he deleted himself from our shared streaming services
I have no idea why I decided to look into it now. it's almost 5am and I was finally starting to feel a little okay (not overall, but like for the night) and sleepy and maybe even able to eat a little something. and then something made me think to log into HBO, i guess wanting to reassure myself or something, and his profile is gone. and I checked all the other services that are ones that i pay for, and his profile is gone from all of them. mine isn't gone from his, but that's just two things, one of which he doesn't use as much and one is connected directly to my google account so idk if he can even unlink that if he thinks of it.
it just feels so bad. he didn't do this last time. it feels way more final. and it's only been a few days, and it was such a stupid fight and it happened so quickly. I really thought it was going to be like last time and he was going to change his mind after cooling off for a little bit.
I don't think i can handle this this time. I don't know what to do.
@maepricot
That does seem more permanent to bother to go in apps and could see how it would concern you .........
all the things people now see .... deleted from social media or deleted shared apps .....all knowing it would upset the other person
I wonder sometimes if it is a real statement or a chess move.
Most applications etc you can reactivate your account in moments.....while could signal to you this is it could also be reverted easily..... the only real way to settle it is to communicate.
@toughTiger6481
Thanks for replying <3
Yeah, communication is the only way to really know for sure. Unfortunately, he's not open to that currently. He's got my number blocked for text messages and calls. I could try to force a conversation in person because I generally know where he will be, but I'm giving it more time before trying that because I'm afraid to make things worse.
I'm not sure if it feels like more of a chess move or making a point. I narrowed down the timeline of when he did it to either late night the night he said we were done or early the next day based on when his device was last connected to one of the accounts. As of now, I'm still logged in with profiles undeleted on the apps that were his accounts. He has my number blocked, but we're still *** friends and mutual followers on ***...not sure why not block me on social media if he's going to keep my number blocked.
We were supposed to go on vacation next month. The place we were supposed to stay still shows as booked over the dates we were supposed to be there, so either he didn't cancel or it booked up again really, really quickly. It's also now past the date where he could get any money back by canceling (he could have gotten at least some back if he canceled just after he said he wanted to split). He could be planning on going by himself, I guess, but I don't think he's ever traveled alone or had much interest in doing so, and I'm really not sure who else he would want to or be able to take with him. Two weeks alone in a condo halfway across the country surrounded by strangers doesn't sound very fun. He could take his brother, maybe, but I'm pretty sure they'd get absolutely sick of each other being together all the time for that long. And even if he started seeing someone new, most people can't just take two weeks off with less than a month's notice. I wish I could check on the status of my plane ticket, because I feel like that would tell me a lot about where he's at (canceling that would be a lot harder to reverse than deleting streaming profiles). He bought the tickets, though, and I never had the confirmation number, so even though it's in my name the airline can't tell me whether I still have a ticket or not.
I know it's probably not healthy to focus so much on reading into what various actions might mean, but it's hard not to. Especially when they don't entirely add up. Like deleting streaming profiles feels like a big move, but like you said, it's also super easy to log back in and recreate them. Unfollowing/unfriending/blocking on social media would also be a big statement, but also really easy to do/undo, but also would be more public -- and he hasn't done that. I have no idea what he's telling people in general, but I know of at least one mutual friend who already knows about the breakup, ex doesn't know the friend knows, and the friend has told me he has seen him multiple times and he hasn't mentioned it at all.
I'm going to hang out with some friends for a girls night tonight so hopefully that takes my mind off of obsessing over this for a while, but it's so hard and confusing.
