again
He broke up with me again. A few months ago he kicked me out and we got back together. Today i fell because i went to lean on the freezer to get into the fridge and the freezer was slightly open so i fell forward into the fridge. I told him to please be careful and close the fridge doors. He followed me down to the workout room to scream at me until i cried. I told him i couldnt do this anymore and he told me he was forcing the relationship anyway. So. I'm locked in the guest bedroom until i have reinforcements. I havent eaten since 8am and dont plan on eating anything. I'm depressed and scared. After losing my fiance three years ago i wasnt looking to get into a relationship. He swept me off my feet we started dating i moved in and we were planning on getting married but his anger issues and making me cry all the time... i dont think its worth it. Love isnt worth it. I dont feel like anybody could ever love me. Nobody wants me. I'm not thin or pretty enough for him to stay.... im so depressed. Im so sad. I want to be loved so badly. It isnt fair. I took him to work every day. I did chores for his family while they were away. I make him lunch and dinner. I sleep with him even if i dont want to. I got him closer with his distant family and an old friend. We were out with them all just last night. I sent him a love letter this morning... and i get berated and abused.... for a mistake he made.... why is my life so bad.
Wow sorry to hear you're going thru this but it sounds like leaving is the right answer. Its hard to look thru the hurt and trauma but when you find the right person they'll take you as you are unconditionally. It won't matter what you look like, how you act, what you wear , or anything else. There's someone out there you just need to feel deep down that you deserve that. Don't settle for someone that's only *good enough* just do you aren't alone. Everyone has value and everyone deserves to have someone treat them like the most important thing in the world. You just have to find yourself and be honest about who you are and the rest will happen on its own when it's supposed to. Have hope
I really don't like to make assumptions before a deep conversation, but I think you are struggling with the idea of being alone. It basically happens when you lose yourself throughout the relationship, when you lose your identity and start living only for the relationship, your turn it into a vital pillar in your life, and when it breaks, everything also breaks.
I know that things as easy as we think, its not just "you're in an unhappy relationship, just leave". I think what you should do right now is try to find yourself again, take a break from any relationship and try to do things you like, and if you're struggling to find happiness even on things you used to like, I would recommend you to look for professional help, they will guide you through your feelings and make everything clearer for you.
Life is difficult, relationships and people are complex, and sometimes we can't handle that complexity, we give up ourselves to work entirely on our relationship with another person.
I'm rooting for you and your recovery, and remember that a relationship is about two people that love themselves and choose to be with eachoter, but doesn't need eachother to find happines. Use this time alone to work on yourself, on your healing proccess, on your mental health, and try to find happiness on your own company.
XX ♥️
It just sucks. This was my first relationship since a broken engagement 3 years ago. We've only been together 10 months. I took 2 years of finding a good job, getting a good place to live, and working on my body and health goals. I met him, and then this happens. I leave my home, my job, etc, to live with him and all of a sudden.... it's a different person. I have to start at square one. No job, living at home with my parents. Because someone else decided to crash my parade.
@bertnayb- my first question is - whose place are you living?? yours or his? Why would you have to leave if he is abusing you? And you shouldnt have to leave your job. Sounds like you reconstructed your life once before. Good for you. You deserve to be treated well.