Why can't I move on?
Hi community,
So I dated this guy for a year and I was stupid in love with him. Like crazy, head over heels, stupid in love. Well, we ended up breaking up because he had major insecurity issues and even after deciding to move in together he still had major issues. He would fly off the handle and scream and shout if there wasn't more than a quarter tank of gas in the car, or if I took a wrong turn or stole all the blankets in the middle of the night. Not the healthiest dude emotionally speaking. But I have an exceptional amount of patience so I over looked all of that. Anyway, we broke up over something stupid, luckily before we moved in together, and it has been 4 months of no contact. Well he texted me out of the blue last week. He said "how are you?". That's it! Nothing further even when I responded to him and asked why he had reached out and I even told him that I'm still in love with him. I'm not a complete idiot, I know logically that I probably dodged a bullet, but I just can't get over him. I can't imagine dating anyone else and for whatever reason I wanted to marry him. I think something is wrong with me.
You so dodged a bullet. Perhaps literally. Is this the first relationship where you were yelled at, etc, for unrealistic reasons??
@barncat Hi, yes I've never experienced a person who could not control themselves. He never called me names or anything just yelled and said things like "do you think that was smart?" Condescending stuff.
@SailorSeahorse I literally had the same thoughts of "you dodged a bullet there"
When you miss him or find the break up tough, which you will, remind yourself of the bad behaviour he put you through... And imagine it escalating (with more stress, if you two were staying together or whatever)
Because it does not sound right at all that someone would be flying off the handle like that over nothing.
Definitely speaks of anger management issues, or lack thereof.
Take care of yourself.
@SailorSeahorse
Sailor, you are not crazy for doing what you did.
Honestly, break ups are the hardest; especially when you have been with that person over a year and was very serious about him. Moving on can be a challenge but not impossible.
I would suggest taking baby steps at first like doing something you always wanted to do but couldn't because of the relationship or time. Distract yourself from the thoughts of him and create thoughts that motivate you and help you see you can move on and you will. Remember, you deserve to be happy and comfortable in any relationship your in, and not always worried about saying/ doing whats right in his sees but doing whats right to you. :)
Oh and you will move on in time.
Might take 6 months. Might take a year. Maybe two.
But you'll get over him and meet someone who treats you better.
@SailorSeahorse
don't say yourself stupid , I can't move on when he asked for an breakup up in the middle of our relationship till last year he asked for an completely breakup I took it so hard that I self harmed please don't follow my footsteps . last year about on october I decided to deleted all his photos , I started to move on ... its an painful decision but I knew life has to carry on 😢 , its brave of you to seek advice sending God's blessings to you & your family . 🙏
