What do I do
Im sorry for this being so long and maybe even a bit immature but I really needed to let all of it out as I have been struggling a lot with my mental sanity for the past few days. So I request everyone to please bear with this one and give it a read.
I have been talking to this guy since a year now.it
was the four of us actually in the beginning, playing video games all night. They were what got me through the lockdown.However, it was this one guy I was closer with than the rest, talking on the phone late night, hanging out.
He was even the one I used to fight with the most.Petty arguments and then making up-to each other. And then it happened.. I got attached to him.
Even though the other two got busy with their lives once the lockdown was over, he was always there. I felt like we had a connection. He told me he cared about me. But a huge red flag about him is that he is very egoistic and that too about petty things like seen zoning and calling two days in a row. Even though he wanted to talk on the phone, he would say things like we shouldn't talk so much, I don't want to get attached bla bla. But then if I told him bye, he would be like oh so you'll sleep? And if it was me making the first move, he would ask 1000 why's. I even caught him in a conversation where his friend was teasing him about me having a crush on him, so I was always careful. And he even trashed a previous girl that asked him out, said he cut off contact with her after that, so I was always scared of making too many first moves.
He is so confusing, he takes a step forward and again takes two steps back.
Anyway, after the lockdown he moved to another city for university, the same city I had to move to 2 months back for an internship. When I told him, he was urging me to live in his neighbourhood and told me he himself will find me a place to stay. He made plans to hangout. After I moved there, we were playing video games one night and he invited this new airl whom I don't know. He told me it's his school friend and ever since I see him obsessed with her. I felt so ignored and left out because even though he would ask if I wanted to play, after I told him one day to call me once he logs in the game, he forgot. I log in and see that he is playing with that other girl. He just completely forgot about me. So I yelled at him and started playing with another guy. He tried calling and texting and I told him I don't want to play with him. Then when he saw me playing with the other guy, he was like "you told me you
won't play but I see you playing with him, great". I told him that he did the same.
Anyway I have been ignoring him after that and he didn't try much either after that, although I got to know from his friend that he asked him to invite me to the game.
After a couple of days he texts me to ask about a
conference at his university that I'm supposed to go to. I told him the date and then since it was the weekend the next day, I asked him if he wanted to hangout in my neighbourhood. But he was instead asking me to go to his area even though I was new in the city and didn't know my way around. I got mad at him and started ignoring again. He didn't push much about hanging out but had been texting everyday after that about the conference.
On the day of the conference, he texted at 8 am
asking when I would be there. I yelled at him about his on and off shit and he told me he was sick so he couldn't meet me during the weekend. So why couldn't he just tell me that?
I still decided to meet him at the conference and he was with me the entire time for 3 days, and we even hung out from morning till midnight. Those were some of the best days of my life.
But after that the on again off again shit started all over again. Not acknowledging each other in the game. When I confronted him, he told me
"why won't I show ego after the things you did?"
i deactivated my account after that and he texted me on WhatsApp asking if I blocked him. I even unfriended him in the game.
Things have been going on like this…he texts every other day and replies to my story asking if I'm in his city or if I moved back home? He repeatedly asks why I unfriended him in the game even though he knows the freaking reason. Yesterday we had another confrontation where I accused him of not even fixing things after I was mad at him, and he told me that he apologised and that if he didn't want to fix things, he wouldn't have apologised. But that isn't enough?
What I want him is to stop playing with that girl. I
always taunt him how he ditched me when he found that new girl but he never even acknowledges her, pretends he doesn't know what I'm talking about...he even told me that I'm his closest friend and he doesn't wanna lose me.but then he doesn't even try to fix us. Before he would repeatedly apologise to me unless I talk to him. He doesn't do that anymore. He just ends the argument with "okay my mistake I don't wanna argue anymore"
Im just so so sick of this.all our other friends in the game even takes his side and they all accepted the new girl. I just feel so left out. I mean how do you after playing with someone for an entire year just instantly start playing with a new girl? I tried to let him go..but can't bring myself to unfriend him for good. I don't know what to do…this is costing me my mental peace.
He likes you and seems to care, and that is it.
You are wanting to read more in it because you have feelings for him. But it seems pretty clear to me that the feelings are not mutual.
So, hang out with him as a friend, or, if you can't, break off contact.
Or just tell him how you feel about him. You've got nothing to loose and at least you know where you stand at.
@limegreenMap5870
You’re more attached to him than he is to you. Right from the beginning he showed his inconsistent nature. He’s guided by his own convenience. He only wants to do what he wants to do. If he wants to play games with a bunch of different girls, that’s what he’s going to do. He doesn’t care one iota if you’re offended by that or if you wished he would stop playing with the other girl. If he wants to text you constantly one day, then ignore you for three days - that’s what he’s going to do. He has no genuine consideration for you or for anyone else.
So then why did he even carry on this whole charade with you for this long? Because he enjoys the attention that you give him, more than he enjoys your actual friendship! It flatters his ego to have a girl constantly seeking his attention. That’s exactly why he was challenged when you started playing games with another guy; it offended his ego!
He likes playing games - You’re a ‘game’ to him. Before, he would ask you about your behavior if you made a move, back and forth, cat and mouse. A little bit of tease. Because in the early stages of the ‘game’, he was interested in you, the game was exciting to him. But now he’s bored because that’s what happens with people who play games with other people’s feelings, with people who use people for entertainment. They will always eventually get bored of you and move onto something else, someone else. They always find some other drama to occupy their restless need for amusement.
So now when you argue with him he doesn’t care to resolve it any more. When you’re hurt he doesn’t see to your needs. It’s more convenient for him to just dismiss you with ‘I don’t want to argue any more.’ In his language what he really means is - ‘I’m bored of this back and forth now! I’m bored of this game!’
Part of him knows that you have made efforts for him in the past. He has seen how you behave as a friend. When he says you’re his ‘closest friend’ there might even be some truth to that. But to a person like him, that doesn’t mean anything at all. It doesn’t mean he’s going to treat you any better than he does.
He’s not like you. You wouldn’t be able to just casually abandon someone after connecting with them for a year. That’s why you have trouble understanding all of this. That’s why his behaviour seems so erratic to you. But you’re not him. Your nature is not his nature. You both obviously see and value this ‘friendship’ differently. And the more you invest of yourself in him, the less interesting you become to him. It’s not you specifically - it’s not about you. It’s about him, his ego, his convenience, his need for constant entertainment; even if it means using people for their company and playing games with peoples emotions, a different obsession every few months whenever he gets bored.
I hope this gives you something to think about … You deserve better. You can do better!
CatsInTheCradle
I agreewith the post above. This reminds me of how my ex used to behave. He loved the way I made him feel. He just didn't love me. I let it go on for years. Don't make my mistake.