Thoughts of my ex GF. It affected my whole night and made me feel super depressed.
My ex gf and I have been split up for just over a month now. She broke up with me (seemed sudden) and did it over text because she didn't want to hear my emotions or be scared of what my reaction would be.
So I went out for a friends birthday last night (bar/club) and once I started drinking and being in the club scene/vibe, all I could think about was my ex gf. My ex gf liked to go out to the club a lot and I keep thinking that maybe I'm wondering if that's what she's up to now.
My other thought is that I could be guilty for going out to the club as I really never used to go by myself. I would see other girls there who resembled my ex gf (hair mostly), and I kept wanting to run out of the club just to get away from it all. I felt like I was starting to have an anxiety attack because of it.
@whawkins I am sorry for the loss of your girlfriend. That sounds so difficult to cope with. You see her when you go back to the clubs.
Guilt is a common feeling when someone leaves us. It is really hard not to blame ourselves and think what we could have done different for a different outcome. Probably nothing. Relationships happen and unhappen and it is not our fault. People are experimenting and probably do not know what they want. It is not your fault.
Hope you find something that represents joy in your life.
@soulsings
@soulsings
You do have a good point. I do feel guilty for the times where I screwed up, but I also feel guilty because I tried to get her to speak up if s had concerns, but she never did. So maybe I shouldn't beat myself up about it, because I thought everything was going well right until the end. She broke up via text and became very cold to me. Yes I had my moments where I would become irritable about situations or when plans would change last minute, and I always assured her later on that I was never ever irritated with her. But she felt like I was.
This is where I battle myself. Yes, if I wouldn't have been irritable in those situations things would've continued, but who knows the next time that I would become irritable again. What are your thoughts? Do you feel that even if things like that are delayed, do you think they could still happen later down the road?
I do miss her and people keep saying that she probably misses me to or has guilt/regrets; but the way she dumped me and how she said there was just no way of getting back together, I always doubt it. I'd appreciate your thoughts and comments further.
@whawkins sorry you miss them so much. That makes it difficult to move on when we are looking in the rear view mirror. I am not sure if you would have different result. That was a cold way for them to end a relationship, a dear John text message. That does not commmunicate to me that they are deeply concerned about your feelings. I am sorry they did what they did but I cannot see any warmth or caring, but maybe I overlooked something.
@soulsings
Yeah I feel like it may not have been the same. It just gets to me how it seemed like she decided to break up so quickly. The week before she was talking about my visit to her place the weekend after. She seemed so excited, and then she decided to break up the week before, but that was after she asked about me coming down there and she said she was excited.
I still get at myself for thinking what I could've done differently, and it hurts me but I keep thinking that the couple days leading up to it were the erasons that she did it. Maybe I should've done something differently. But others are telling me that a girl will usually think a breakup over before breaking up with anyone. So she may have been thinking about it for a while.
Maybe I annoyed her...? Maybe I texted her one too many times.... but I hate myself and everytime I think about it, I want to die. At least I wouldn't have to see/work with her again. :(
@whawkins I do not know the reasons she broke things off but I know it was not your fault. People do things because people do not meet their expectations. Their judgments are really on themselves and we can never meet their expectations if that is what they project onto us. I lost someone near and dear to me and they broke things off but they could not tolerate what I could. I think maybe I valued the relationship more than they did. They were very opportunistic and when something else came along they jumped for it. I think they lost out in the long run. They drifted from one opportunity to another.
The other thing I realized is life brings me what I need to grow. I guess that made me give up something I was clinging hard to.
@soulsings
Yeah and I mean I'm sure I had my pitfalls within the relationship, but the way that she pushed everything on me, is not okay. In a sense yeah maybe I didn't meet her expectiations; in my mind her expectation is that I would be happy and smiliing all the time...but truth is, people get stressed and irritated with life sometimes. In the end looking back, there definetly was a lot more value coming from my side of things, as I put in a lot of the effort to keep things going. When things got tough, she left instead of confronting and trying to work on the issues.
As of this morning, she sent me an email regarding some work items thruogh the management society that her and I are a part of. It hurt a little because I have had no other contact with her, and she seemed to be so happy, and almost unphased by anything. It feels like she doesn't acknowledge that her and I were together and that we did in fact have strong feelings for one another. I also went onto my Facebook for the first time in a while and seeing pictures and posts from her on their, stung so bad. I don't want to be anxious anymore, I just want to be able to be in the same room and not have to be wanting to run or hide from her. As well as not being sad when I see her.
@whawkins in trauma there are some strategies to repeat over and over again the story and experience. But there are other strategies to avoid situations that trigger the person that has gone through trauma. Whatever you decide, be sure to choose a path that is in sync with your own body and emotions.
