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whawkins
1,109 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 69 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts65 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2019 Member sinceJuly 24, 2017
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Do people with fearful-avoidant personality come back?
Relationship Stress / by whawkins
Last post
 August 22nd, 2017
...See more My ex gf broke up with me about 2 months ago and she hasn't really been in contact other than to say good luck on my summer class. Since then she has blocked me on Snapchat and Instagram. She told me after breaking up via text and playing the blame game, that she needed to cut me out of her life in order for her perception of me to change. Her and I have to work together in university coming up in September and I am still anxious about it all. I have been doing some reading up on situations like this, and have been getting tips to look up attachment styles in adults. I found that she fits the fearful-avoidant category and it has got me thinking about certain aspects of the breakup. She did have a rocky past (previous ex bf abusing her etc.) and I feel like it had a bit to do with it all. There were times where she would act quite differently to me, she could be in a different mood in a matter of minutes. I do admit that sometimes I would have rough days and be in a bad mood overall, and she would usually pick up on that. The breakup was very sudden as she seemed to be interacting with me as normal the days leading up to it. I'm not sure if there was really any warning signs, although the last time I saw her, she didn't seem quite herself. She said she had a couple nightmares with me in them where something would happen and I would break up with her or I would spread rumors about her...of course none of that is true. I miss her dearly and I want to know if there is any possibility of someone with this type of attachment personality coming back to their exes. I also have to work with her at university and I want to show her that this person I've been made out to be, is not the person that I am. I want her to see the guy that she fell head over heels for (her words). Any thoughts on how to approach this? It will also make our group work dynamic a lot less awkward and easier to handle if her and I could try to see where things are at.
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What do you do to move on after a breakup?
Relationship Stress / by whawkins
Last post
 September 11th, 2017
...See more Hey all, I am wanting to know your methods or ways, that you use to get through a breakup, and how to make that rough patch afterwards not as bad. I am doing better myself, but I am having a couple things I can't let go of, and I wanted to know how you go about handling lingering thoughts, dreams, feelings. All responses are appreciated, and I would love to have a conversation. :)
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I woke up thinking my ex gf was there...couldn't sleep, ruined my morning
Relationship Stress / by whawkins
Last post
 August 14th, 2017
...See more My Gf broke up with me quite suddenly via text message later in June and it took me by surprise as I didn't feel/see/notice any real warning signs that things were going to end. She was acting just like she always did only a couple days before, saying I love you etc. So I wasn't in the mindset that things were about to shift. We had good chemistry and just clicked. Not sure if I am allowed to say, but our sex life was amazing and made being with her even better. She was very adventerous and a little intense in that situation but I didn't mind. So after all this I had no reason to see it ending so quickly and for no direct reason. It came off as more of a blame it all on me kind of thing. when she broke up with me she said that she didn't like it when I would get worked up over certain situations and that made her think that I was similar to her abusive ex (he hurt her way worse, physically etc.). This made me feel terrible and I imediately took all of the blame on myself for the entire breakup. It has got me in a mindset that I just cannot shake. I am currently seeing a psychologist to help me work on my irritableness and try to get me out of this depressive low spot that all this has put me in. She seemed to go cold, and cut off all contact and deleted every trace of my existence. (P.S. this is someone I have to work with). I woke up with a weird feeling this morning that she was with me and that I would roll over and see her there. Of course she was not there, but it then got my mind racing a mile a minute with thoughts that I haven't had since she first broke up with me. I have been doing so well and things like this set me back. I just want to truly be able to get past all of this and be able to just go about my work and day without her precesne affecting me. It cuts into my sleep schedule, and my productivity at work.
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Looking for longer term listener [21M]
General Support / by whawkins
Last post
 January 12th, 2019
...See more Hello, I am looking for a longer term listener to help me deal with some difficulties I am having after my GF broke up with me. Just would like someone to talk to when I feel like I need it. Won't be a 24/7 thing, but often enough that I would like a listener who could keep in touch and in track with the last conversation. 21 Male, Breakup support, GF blindsided me with breakup, everything blamed on me, all contact was cut by her.
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Ex GF - Possibly bipolar? I ask because I still care
Relationship Stress / by whawkins
Last post
 August 4th, 2017
...See more Hey all, So as I write this I want you to know why I find myself posting a couple times on this forum. My ex gf broke up with me about 1.5 months ago and I still find myself missing her everyday, although I feel like a lot of the time that I am over her. Her and I have to work together this September for 8 months and it is going to be an interesting experience for sure. Back story: She left me quite suddenly after changing our relationship status and texting me a few paragraphs about what I did wrong and that she can't be with me anymore. She said that my irritableness had scared her and that she had gotten anxious to speak with me, worried that I may become irritable about something. I know that it's perfectly fine for her to feel that feeling but I want to delve a bit further. She broke up via text and didn't give any signs before-hand that eluded to a breakup being immanent. She said she wanted to make it work, but felt like she couldn't handle it and she was feeling bad when she thought about being together again. Since talking with a lot of people and my psychologist, I am hearing a lot about myself and how to help myself become better, but also a lot about what they feel she may be going through. I know that she is depressed and has anxiety, but some people have shown me info on BPD and lots of the content (90%) seems to apply to my ex. I wanted to know more about the possibility of BPD affecting relationships, as well as how it could've affected her feelings towards me, more so than without it. Her friend did un-add me on Facebook before the breakup which I realized now is probably not a coincidence, but I didn't think much of it at the time. My ex has also blocked me on Insta and Snapchat, and I blocked her on Facebook. Could this be a way of her coping with not being/wanting to be in contact with me? Is there anyone who knows whether BPD could've had a role to play, and if so is there any time where you think she will reach back out to at least talk/discuss things with me? Also, what do you feel about this kind of thing happening; does Bipolar Disorder have a negative impact on most relationships? I want to know more so that I can move forward knowing that I did what I could and that even with my helping hand, she still needs something more helpful to help get her through the rough patches she's been through. I look forward to discussing this, or hearing about anyone else's experiences with this and how it ended up for them. I want to try and mend my feelings about her so when I see her I am guaranteed not to break down, or feel too much guilt or unhappiness about the situation.
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Thoughts of my ex GF. It affected my whole night and made me feel super depressed.
Relationship Stress / by whawkins
Last post
 August 25th, 2017
...See more My ex gf and I have been split up for just over a month now. She broke up with me (seemed sudden) and did it over text because she didn't want to hear my emotions or be scared of what my reaction would be. So I went out for a friends birthday last night (bar/club) and once I started drinking and being in the club scene/vibe, all I could think about was my ex gf. My ex gf liked to go out to the club a lot and I keep thinking that maybe I'm wondering if that's what she's up to now. My other thought is that I could be guilty for going out to the club as I really never used to go by myself. I would see other girls there who resembled my ex gf (hair mostly), and I kept wanting to run out of the club just to get away from it all. I felt like I was starting to have an anxiety attack because of it.
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I [21M] keep wondering how my ex gf [21F] is doing.
Relationship Stress / by whawkins
Last post
 July 31st, 2017
...See more I miss being able to contact her, why do I care? And is contacting a huge mistake? Hello, so my ex gf broke up with me about a month ago, seemingly out of the blue. I say seemingly because just the day before she was texting me just like normal (ily etc.). Then she breaks up over text because she didn't want to hear my emotion or hear me get mad. Now I have been doing really well lately with not worrying too much, but now there is a part of me that wants to contact her to see how she's been etc. She and I work together coming this September and I don't know what it's going to be like. Why do I care/miss being able to contact her so much when at this point I should be over that? Is contacting her a mistake I should not make? I just don't understand why now I start to miss the contact we used to have.
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