Struggling to Cope
Hi everyone, I am not sure how to tell my situation but I will give it my best shot. I'm not very good at explaining!
So, I wanted to talk about my ex, I'll just call her E from now on. We were in an on-off relationship but always managed to sort things out to get back together. We weren't officially together but we liked each other. While on one of those breaks, I hooked up with another girl. I'll call her R. She was actually kind of an ex to me too, well, yet again, not officially together too. I regret it so much. I know that I was to blame too, I hold my hands up to that but it turns out she's manipulative and cunning. So, yes, all this time, she's been like that, I just realised it too late.
So yes, basically, of course, E was very upset and hurt by it. I didn't really know how to explain myself and so I ghosted her. Now, two years on, we still haven't spoken. She thinks I'm actually dating R but I haven't even spoken to R since that hook-up. R is still actually harassing her to this day.
So, I really still have strong feelings for E and I don't want to move on. Actually, she is my first and only love. I truly do believe we were meant for each other... however... she now has a boyfriend. I've recently found out they've been dating since June of this year. They have broken up once already though. Actually, I got in touch with two of her friends and luckily enough, they do support me and think they won't last anyway. Of course, there are her friends that actually like him too. I personally really don't like him and don't think they're a good match either. He is like, so cocky and smug about it.
But I am considering or well, trying to get better myself to talk to her on her birthday which is coming up in three weeks' time but I am not sure how to cope. I know that I have to be able to handle it because she will talk about her boyfriend. I know I have to be happy myself to get anywhere with her. You should be happy by yourself, right? Hm, it's just, that it's affected my sleep too. I can't stop thinking about her so I'm not sure what to do. I am definitely not gonna give up though. So.
Ah, sorry, if anyone has questions, I would gladly answer them. Thank you.
@dumbdog sorry your going through that could try sharing circle
@dumbdog,
so you guys have not spoken to each other for two years?
Seems a clear sign she has moved on. Rather then clinging to a dream, how about starting to life your own life?
Or do you want to waste more beautiful years for you?
Send her a nice birthday card, one that is friendly and warm yet not emotional and definitely no "I loves you".
When it comes down to it, love yourself first. Love is inside you, not in another person.
Hello there :)
I don’t know if I’ll be much help, but this is what I would do in this situation.
It’s been two years - and you still have feelings for E. If you really want to tell her how you feel and think that letting her know would help, there’s no shame in doing that. However, it’s best to accept the fact that you may not get a response you were hoping for - and the fact that she has a boyfriend may complicate it.
If you believe that you won’t be able to cope after receiving a response you didn’t want to hear, then it’s probably best to not tell her your feelings to avoid not being able to cope.
Overall, if you do receive a response you didn’t want or end up not telling her at all, it’s best to move one from E. I know you may resist moving on and don’t want to give up on her, but you can use this time to work on yourself and look after your health :).
If she does give you a response that you wanted, then that’s great! And I wish you the best with that relationship.
If your worries are keeping you up at night, you can try moving to another room and doing something to make you feel sleepy, or you can write all your worries down (or even record yourself talking about your worries and problems - this helps me a lot specifically)
Lots of love <3
@willinggrapes
Hello. :)
Thank you for your kind words. I apologise, I don't think I made it clear. I was only planning to talk to her as a friend, I wouldn't want to burden their relationship, of course. I wouldn't want to tell her about my feelings when she has a boyfriend! Yeah, I am just hoping they break up.
I do know I should work on myself though, like, the problem was insecurity and jealousy. Also, I have to be happy with myself first. It's just... the trouble with sleeping is really annoying more than anything, haha. I would just wake up earlier than usual at around the same time thinking about her and it's just so annoying.
Thank you for being so kind!
Oh okay! I misunderstood then :0
I can empathise with you on the - not being able to sleep because I’m thinking about someone - bit. It can be difficult to deal with. I wish you luck on your journey 🍀
:) aw no worries, lots of love <3
For me, you should tell her. It may make things complicated but at least, you set yourself free. Tell her everything youve been wanting to say. Yet as advised by others, be ready and accept the outcome. Might be that she loved you for so long but moved on, or might be that she loves you still. Orrr might be that she is really happy now and that you are way too late..or might be that she gets confused, break up with his boyfriend and be with you. Either way, no what ifs right? And you can finally move on in case she is happy now.
For sure, youll get through it. Good luck!! Let us know what happened 😊
@Endlessthoughts123 Hi, thank you for your kind words. Personally, although, I would love to, I wouldn't feel it's fair to put in her that situation. I have to respect her relationship even when I don't want to so the best thing to do is reach out and talk to her like a friend at first and wait for them to break up. I mean, I hope I can shake her heart a little just by appearing, haha. I can dream, right?
To be honest, it's really hard to see her on social media especially when she does post with her boyfriend but I feel like it's just endurance training for me right now for when I do talk to her. Things will get better. I sure hope so.
@dumbdog,
how hard it is for you, she moved on. Fact. You'll have to accept that if you want to permit yourself to be free and be your true self.
The best wake up call you can get is to tell her you love her and want to try again. And I guess you know what to expect as for a reply.
