Still not over her
The love of my life broke up with me two and a half years ago.
I have had other relationships since then, but I have never gotten over her. Not one day has passed by that I didn't think of her. I can't seem to be able to get over her, and I'm not sure if I want to. She was my best friend. She was my everything. I made mistakes, but I have worked on myself since then. I have tried to become a better person. I have changed since she broke up with me. But I don't know where she is. Haven't seen her in three years. Haven't spoken to her in so long that I have forgotten what it's like to hear the sound of her laughter when I said something funny. I have her voice notes, her pictures, that I see and listen to at times. I have forgotten her touch, the way she smelled, how I felt when I touched her. I miss the inside jokes, the feeling of happiness, and everything else about her. I know I should get over her. It's the right thing to do. But I can't. She made me happy in a way that I have never felt before she came into my life. How can I forget that?
@cauchyimpersonator
Hey there, thanks for sharing where you are at - that's a really good place to start with being honest like that. I've been in a similar position before where I had a girlfriend end things because I wasn't in a healthy place at the time. I think it's awesome that you took the time to work on yourself rather than just spiral into unhealthy things. I also thing it took courage for you to try having new relationships - that can be scary after a meaningful relationship doesn't work out.
Did she ask you to not contact her ever again when she ended things or are you just trying to respect her space?
We were in touch for over a year after we broke up. But that gave me false hopes of reconciliation. Eventually, we both decided to take a break and not communicate. But once every few months, I text her, asking her how she is.
@cauchyimpersonator
When you stayed in contact for the year after the breakup was that just talking or were the two of you still physically connected? If there was still significant physical connection you may be about a year behind in the healing process of "getting over her" since it was essentially still a relationship. Even just being in contact can extend that "end" to a relationship and prevent you from taking those next steps to moving forward as you hope for things to go back to the way they were.
How has it been the last 2-3 times you have texted her asking her how she is? Does she respond and want to have conversation and seem interested in catching up or do you think she is just being "nice" by replying?
Hey man
Been in same space as we speak not sure what advice to go for but I realized the person that we want no longer exists people change over time not always for the best..... Hang in there im still hopeful that someone new may come along and change your life
@cauchyimpersonator,
if she would still have feelings she would have shown so, explicitly or implicitly.
I understand how you feel. After decades (I'm a bit older) I met my soulmate. We separated, I was not in a good place and that became too much for her.
I have worked hard on myself. Dealt with anger issues. I left home, her, the cats, beautiful house and garden.
I lost my soulmate, my best friend, the love of my life who has called me the love of her life, which I truly am to her.
What helps me is to reflect on what happened, how I reacted and find better ways to express myself.
What also helps is to embrace the deep love that is there and turn it towards me.
I have not let go yet and maybe never will. We have a deep connection that will always be there.
It's tough though. I still have bad days. But it is better this way, for both of us. And if we are supposed to connect again, it will happen.
As I say it, my door is still open and I am not gonna sit and wait.
I am grateful that I met her and that she fully opened up to me. Until she closed down and I understand.
It is OK to grieve, don't make it a lifetime grieve though. Don't dwell on the past, don't make the past part of your present.
Remember the love and be grateful for the fact that you can truly love.
And now, make steps to start truly loving yourself. True love is inside, in you, not somewhere out there.