Soon to be single again...
Has anyone recently left a relationship. what have been your challenges so far in being single again. I'm planning on breaking it off with my fiance. he's a good guy and all but we've been fighting a lot and I'm seeing personally traits in him that, long term, aren't healthy. I'm kind of mentally and emotionally preparing myself....
For those who will obviously wonder why I'm opting for a breakup - he's a serial mommy's boy. he's 32 and his dad still pays his car insurance. he spends quite badly and then asks me to cover everything else. i have a credit card that he loves to hint for to pay for stuff. his mom still gives him money for gas every now and again. he doesn't share responsibility, he blame shifts and sulks when he doesn't get his way. there are a few more traits..... but I think this about covers it
Yes, i have discussed these points with him
He simply throws his hands in die air and shifts the blame and guilt on to me
I'm nervous about being on my own again, but i do believe i deserve better...
@TinyWillow happy to see that you are taking responsibility in getting out of a relationship that feels long-term toxic to you. Good luck with it. 
@TinyWillow
Being single again, especially after getting as far as being engaged, will be difficult. Small things that you spent time getting used to will suddenly be gone or different - but change is better than stagnating in any situation that is feeling toxic. It may not be easy, but it will be manageable, especially because you have already realized you deserve better and because you are making this decision from a mature place, knowing exactly why you need it, and what you want for yourself. Being nervous is okay! I hope it all goes well for you. Stay strong :)
@TinyWillow
Youre very brave and smart to look at his personality and behavior and consider the long term implications. Sure some people will say he might change, and he might, but he will need to have awareness and the desire. If he shifts blame that means he doesnt take accountability and that means he lacks awareness and the desire to grow and mature in those areas. Single life is life, it is what you make it. Dont settle by staying with someone that long term you will have issues with, what kind of life is that?
@ali1112 Hi Ali, thanks for the kind and motivational words. And you're right - so simple really. Single life is just life. And yes, he does need to learn - unfortunately the hard way. It doesn't help I talk to him because he just doesn't see anything wrong with the way he behaves.
Sadly, even when his behaviour upsets me or makes me cry - he doesn't say sorry or show any empathy. The best I get is him either saying I'm being sensitive or he starts laughing. It makes me scarred... Imagine one day I'm emotional with pregnant hormones and he doesn't support or comfort me. Just stands there and looks amused. I'd lose it! That's not the kind of future I want. I'm already withholding feelings and emotions from him because I'm scarred of how unsupportive he reacts. That's not healthy.....?
@TinyWillow
Every relationship is different and the adjustment from being in a relationship to being single again takes time. In my case, I had to adjust to either going out alone or waiting until friends were free to go out. I also felt a little awkward being the only single guy in my group while everyone else would be with their significant other. You don't really think about how much of your life you share with someone else until you're not with them anymore. It will be a challenge to accept the changes in your life but it's so much better than forcing yourself to keep the status quo and being unhappy all the while. I hope everything works out in the best possible way for you. Take care!
@TinyWillow
I'm so sorry you are in that place but I'm glad you've decided you're better on your own. Financial stress is a HUGE reason for many breakups, and hoping he will change and get better is usually a false hope. Love is wonderful but real life has to be dealt with too.
I am 3 years divorced and yes it was hard at first but I focused on healing myself and creating a new life.
The biggest mistake I made was jumping right into a relationship. I would have been better to wait until my heart was more healed and my head was clearer. Some time to be by myself would have been more beneficial than immediately starting into a new relationship, which ended up not working out anyway.
the key to a successful relationship is communication and understanding.
I believe its very important to also trust each other and respect each other own space..
:) Those any agreee with me ? ?
@Helping2findAway Every essential elements to any successful relationship ! ❤
@TinyWillow
@TinyWillow, sounds like your hurting a lot by all that's happening, and i am very sorry your feeling that way.
I was in a relationship where my bf (now ex) was sort of in a similar position but unfortunately i did all the spending and he very rarely, he did also never taken blame for fights and stuff. But after ending the relationship i am better now. :) Our community is here to support you, hope you do feel better soon.
@Helping2findAway thank you! I'm glad I found 7 cups. it's reassuring knowing that you have support. it makes me a little more brave knowing that i have people in similar situations to understand xzz
@TinyWillow.. thats wonderful :) i am glad you feel that way :*
So I decided my deadline is January. I'm starting a new job in December, it's great - i can actually survive financially on my own with this job. i just want to give myself the month to settle and the holidays with family and then January I'm breaking it off. i can get all my affairs together too in the mean time. a good friend of mine offered that we can share a place. she's divorced, my best friend - so I think it's going to be good having each other around. she wants me to join divorce care with her and we'll start jogging together.
Anyway, I'm posting this thread because we're at his parents now and his dad is so amazing. i really feel guilty for planning on leaving. i think his dad feels that his son finally found a girl that can help him grow up.... someone who won't take is nonsense :(
He always greets me with a huge hug. it's going to break my heart, and his, when I break up with my fiance.
I just feel guilty :(
@TinyWillow
You are a really brave person. I know the fear of the unknown can be so much that most people choose to stay with what's familiar, even if it's not healthy for them. It's not their fault though, that fear can be debilitating. But, you have been able to overcome the fear (I'think you have been through that phase too), and that is something really courageous. It's great that you have been taking active steps towards removing yourself from the relationship and finding your own footing. And it's really great that you have your best friend to support you.
I know that guilt will also be a consequence of this decision, especially when families are involved. But, I hope reminding yourself that you are doing your best will help you feel more comfortable about this decision. Because staying will be benificial for none involved in this situation. If you are not happy with him, he won't be happy with you either. I know it's easy to say all these..but you are doing the right thing. I hope all works out well. Good luck for the next phase of your life.
So I pulled the plug this morning..... I really wanted to wait till after New Years but it got so unpleasant. It hurts like hell, even though I've been trying to prepare and do it as gently as possible.
We had a conversation a few weeks ago where I confessed that I've been getting cold feet due to the way he's been treating me and how the relationship is going. I told him that I didn't feel like marriage could be a next step till we worked through it.
He kept pushing.... Please just marry me. Please just take a leap.
I kept pulling away because it didn't make sense to just go ahead and marry and think it'll just get better.
So last night he kept pushing me again, after dinner with friends and I couldn't take it anymore. A lot added to my frustration like when I spilled my drink and my best friends boyfriend actually made the effort to help clean up and ordered me a new drink after everything was tidy again. This got pointed out to me by my best friend as a way of saying "why isn't he making an effort.... That was his opportunity to do something for me and to show he cares" - i didn't even see it like that.
He asked me last month to help him by paying for his parents anniversary dinner. His sister asked him to split the bill with her as a treat to their folks. I said no, and his dad ended up covering part of the bill. He spunges and doesn't share responsibility... And that scares me, what if we have kids? How much of the responsibility will be shared????