She loves her ex

@hardywoo85

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

She was my gf for 3 weeks, dated for 3 before that and she only broke up with her toxic ex who trwsted her bad 1 week before that, we've known of each other for 2 years chatting in our kids school playground before school nearly every day, I liked her alot and use to get out my car when she would and would always find her in the playground, she told me she use to put make up on somedays to get my attention and use to park close to where I parked to see if I noticed her, within them 2 years she had been with two guys and obviously only did that stuff when she was single so I got mixed signals and never knew it was aimed for me, (It's understandable why you felt this way, usually people who are coming off a relationship will display mixed signals and it can confuse people) anyways she broke up with me 2 days ago because she still loves her ex, (Sorry to hear that. This is a strong indication she jumped into a relationship without fully healing from what happened. She would have to really work on this first before being with someone) which he always lied to her, make up stuff about his job, his life and anything to make her feel guilty, every time she left him he pressured her back, (Wow thats rough, it's tough being with someone who show those kind of behaviors. The relationship they had seem like on/off kind of thing, which it could be a pattern with all of her previous relationships) until she got with me, she told him not this time and asked me if we could take it slow, so we dated for 3 weeks going on walks, doing activities with the kids, went for meals and then one day I kissed her, 2 days later she posted on social media we was in a relationship and I was happy, (It's normal you felt happy about what she posted. She definitely came on very strong here. This is a good indication she was craving to feel loved and not alone, so it makes her come on strong) thinking everything was good, 2 weeks went by and we was going faster and faster, (I can definetly see why things would take this direction, especially when you both like each other. I would like to point out that things that start so fast and deep within the first month or so will lead to one side feeling smothered (wanting to end things) while the other person feel hurt.) she introduced me to all of her family....I already knew her parents but this was grandparents, aunties uncles and cousins....we got closer, we was kissing and had that look in our eyes of love....I don't know if its just me but have you ever kissed someone and when they look into your eyes afterwards they make a little noise with a smile? I think that's a sign they are falling in love? (I see what you are saying, it makes a lot of sense) Please correct me if I'm wrong, I would love to hear people's thoughts, so then the next week, her daughter gets very upset about things easily and plays up alot not listening to her mom, (This right here can complicate things. There's some kind of conflict between the mother and daughter, so it will cause tension and impact any form of relationship she may have with others. I believe there's no healthy communication between both, which its why the daughter may behave like this) they go speak to a teacher and the daughter says she wants her mom to be single, (The daughter seems to be feeling hurt and abandoned, and blaming it on the relationship her mother has with you) we belive its effected her how fast everything is moving, then 2 days later my gf turns round to me and says she's trying really hard and wants us to carry on but she's struggling with everything going on with her daughter and she's been thinking about her ex alot like she isn't over him, , nother 2 days go by and she breaks up with me, saying she can't get over her ex, she still is in love with him and its not fair on me or her to be in this situation. She quickly jump into a relationship while knowing full well she was not over her ex. She appeared to have strong feelings, but the moment things got too close it's where she became scared. She also isn't emotionally available, and will more than likely sabotage things. You also have to think about the mother/daughter relationship dynamic, it would have complicated things even more) needs time to focus on herself and her daughter and needs to be alone. I understand this now because I don't want to be 2nd best to a guy, especially who treated her like dog poop, I need to give her time to realise what she needs to move away from him, she's made it very clear she doesn't want to go back to him now but also doesn't want me to wait for her. She said I'm the right person but wrong time, (You deserve far better than this...someone who is emotionally available and will not change their mind like she did)

Going back to that noise she made after we kissed, do you think she realised she was falling for me got scared because she still loves that guy and isn't sure what she wants? (The relationship she had with him was not good for her, however that's what love feels for her. She probably doesn't have the ability to heal and move forward when it comes to losing someone, so it will take her a long time.) There is something more deep I can't put my finger on about this I hope someone can understand this more for me and thank you for taking time to read this. (Dating and getting to know each other in a romantic way is something that should go in a natural way. We never fully know what the other person feeling or what they are going through. In your situation, she had a strong connection with her ex and didn't give herself the time to fully heal from what happened. This will often make her give you mix signals, but then when the "honeymoon phase" starts to fade it's where things go sideways.)

Thank you for your imput its something I'm looking at, I know you said I deserve better, but in time do you think she might come back and be better if she can get over her ex? I do believe she changed her mind only because she did the right thing to be honest about loving someone else when trying to be with me.

The one thing I'm really looking at now when we kissed, looked into each others eyes, she made that humm sigh and had this big cute smile. Do you believe that's her falling in love with me? Is that what complicated things for her?

I understand you want her, especially when the both of you shared a lot of great moments together. It's really important to look at this as whole, even though it's tough and hurtful.

1) She still has feelings for her ex, and ended the relationship. This is something that should definitely be put into perspective such as "Okay I love her, but how do I know she won't breakup with me again for the same situation?". You would be risking yourself for another potential breakup and it will keep you in a cycle.

2) The Mother/Daughter relationship dynamic. Families can either make or break a relationship. The conflict she has with her daughter will cause another potential breakup. Her daughter doesn't seem to want someone dating her mother, so this will cause a strain in the relationship. Her daughter behavior will bring a lot of issues to the relationship.

About the kiss, it's how she felt at that exact moment so it doesn't apply to now. Feelings do change, although it's quite hurtful how everything ended after what happened between the two of you.

I'm guessing I wouldn't get with her again until she was over her ex so hopefully it wouldn't be a cycle of break ups for the same reason, for her daughter I think she also misses her moms ex, she was always bringing up his name and she seen her mom hurt by him, I'm guessing in time she will get over that and I would have to reassure her that I would never hurt either of them. The main thing with the kid is she doesn't want to share her mom :(

And about the kiss I know feelings change but I just wonder if that feeling then made her get scared of her falling in love with me and getting hurt again like the last time she fell in love

Loving, truly loving, is letting go. She has to figure out what she wants, feels. Nothing you can do about it. Whether she gets back with her ex, you, anyone, it irrelevant. I understand you are emotionally hit, but don't hold on by trying to analyse meaningless signs. Let her go.