Sad and angry day today

I'm having a rough day today. I'll try to keep this short.

My husband and I are divorcing after 16 years of marriage. Most of it was great but the last few years have been excruciating. Without going into the whole big story, he used his own pain as an excuse to mentally and emotionally beat me up. Getting out of this is the best thing I can do for myself. I know that. I'm working really hard to stay on an even keel but that's a challenge some days.

His behavior killed our relationship. I certainly wasn't perfect and I've owned up to my part in it all. I've apologized and worked to do better. I tried so hard to make things right. But he didn't try at all. In fact, he made it worse all the while telling me that our problems were my fault, that I was being irrational, I need to back off. His actions were a textbook example of gaslighting and it is a stunningly cruel thing to do.

I know I'm better off without him. I'm more at peace, in general. He no longer has the power to hurt me. But today, today, today. Today I'm angry. I'm sad. I miss the man I thought was my best friend. I want someone to do to him what he did to me. I want to see him laid as low as I have been. And I hate that I'm feeling so vindictive. I don't want to be this sort of person. I want to take the high road, tell him good-bye and wish him well (and mean it). I just can't get there today.

I'm not looking for advice. There's no way through this but through it and tomorrow I may be better. I don't know what I'm looking for. Just someone to know that I'm hurting right now, I guess.

Thanks for hearing me out.