Recently filed for divorce/lonely and miss laughing
Hey all. So, I'm pretty new to all this, and I'm not really sure exactly how to start, so I'm just going to put it out there.
I have recently filed for divorce from a very manipulative, hurtful man. He is continuing to contact me, to talk about all his growth and how he is fixing himself for me, but I honestly can't even begin to think about a relationshiop with him. I am so overly done, it isn't even funny.
I'm also the dietary director at an assisted living facility, so I work full time in a position where, I mostly fullfill others needs. I also work on my parents goat farm, where I spend most my free time fullfilling animals needs.
I love my life, I am secure in my descision, and I am doing quite well emotionally, although still on a rollercoaster somewhat. I am just so freaking lonely right now!
Honestly, I jsut want someone to chat with. not in a romantic way, not trying to build something, not trying to fix something, just someone who might have a similar experience that can help me think through some of the sh*t, and maybe also talk about anything else in the world! I miss having fun and laughing at silly things. I miss writing and reading poetry with friends. I miss having connections!
Does anyone else out there know this feeling? Anybody maybe want to chat about life in a way that both recognized the tragedy and the beauty?
@Noyzecat oh, i feel ya.... you sound like you've just written my story. I am so lacking in company. I've friends, they are great but they are married, busy, have kids etc etc..... However, I am not looking for a relationship at the minute as I need to spend time fixing me and making me the best independant me so I can be great for someone else and know my boundries from day one. I just miss laughing. (although I did catch myself genuinly giggling the other day, couldn't believe that sound came out of me...was thrilled) You are certainly not alone, I am trying to figure out how all us fab people can connect, maybe even a thread through this site??? let off a rant, have a joke :) your doing fantastic, you are not alone, you will get there (words are for me also..... )
@kitty54 Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone. It's hard to start over, and it's so important to laugh and live and love again! We can do these things, just not alone.
@kitty54 I don't know a lot about this site, do you know anything about setting up threads? It would be really cool to set up a more direct chat!
@Noyzecat, hi, I'm not sure. I think you just go to the most appropriate community and start a new thread. But direct chats, I'm unsure if this can be done. I know, even direct messaging could work but I suppose with privacy and others possibly taking advantage, they don't give the option.
@Noyzecat
I totally get where you are coming from. Most of my friends are settled and i found myself going back to dating (online) out of a desperation for company.
After my separation, i really miss having company, and the crazy thing is it wasn't even good company I had before the final break! I also find it hard when I am feeling a bit down to be social, even though I am lonely too. I feel like people close to me want to talk about the legal stuff, the house, it's almost like it feeds the stress.
I wish in a way I could meet all new people and just be living a different life.
@frankNest6700 I'm sorry it's taken me so long to read this. I think I kinda disappeared for awhile. Your words speak almost directly to my experience, and it helps me not feel so alone today. Thank you.
I still don't know what to do, but I gotta just keep putting one foot in front of the other you know.
@Noyzecat. I too am going through same heartbreak. It's awful and I feel lost and lonely. I am trying to stay busy but I just cant shake that sick feeling. He seems to be fine and now we r not communicating at all...which i know is best....it just hurts soo much. Most of my friends r married with families and r very busy. It's just the worst feeling...i know it will eventually get batter... but it's just painful.
Have u had one of those days ? If u want to talk I am here. 😇
@Lovetennis I just came out of a cycle of those days. I think I'll be on this rollercoaster for quite awhile.
I think a major difference in the way I feel is that, I was completely done with the relationship, and was the one to end it. What I feel though, is the struggle to regain confidence. When a relationship ends, you can't help but think about where it went wrong, and if your ex is blaming you, you can't help but take some of that on. I'm afraid I'm toxic, and that anyone who tries to get close to me will be subjected to my poison.
The crazy thing is, you ask anyone but my ex, and they'll tell you I'm the nicest person. I've maintained friendships with people I've fired from jobs. I believe that we must be manifestations of love in all we do, and I do my best to live by that belief. Still, the break up has shaken my own confidence in my intentions!
The good news is, the bad cycles get shorter and shorter, and further and further apart the more you learn to love and trust yourself. It will get easier, it will get better, a year from now, you have the potential to blow yourself away with your own growth.
A friend posted the other day that maybe we should treat ourselves like someone we love. Maybe we should be patient with our own healing like we would be patient for a parent's healing after a dramatic surgery. Cause that is what this is, just on a spiritual level. Healing takes time, but after all, time is what we have to give.
@Noyzecat thank you..such great advice. I am stay at home mom so I dont have career to throw myself into and my friends r all happily married w busy families. I do t have any family left as both my parents passed close tog 2 years ago. I am looking for a job..its just very humbling when u have not worked in forever. I know all this will pass...its just pretty difficult right now. I too am having self confidence issues and that has never happened before really. He made me feel pretty worthless bc I dont have a career and says I should have already found a job like I am a looser or something. I know it's for the best ...but it just hurts ...then u start to think ab them being w someone else...ughhhh🤮ðŸ˜
Are u in the us? How r your children doing? My son was young when his dad and I divorced and he is great now. We have a healthy co parenting relationship....its so much better than my son living in an argumentative household. I just didnt think I would have such heartbreak again.
@Lovetennis I am in the US, and I do have a son. He's 19 now, and on the path of his own life. I was a single momma for most of his life (a couple relationships, but mostly on my own), and he was my best friend.
I wanted to remind you, our value as humans is not in the job we have, but in the work we do. I look at my son and feel proud, because I believe in his ability to continue creating the change. Being a parent is the work, and that's so freaking valuable! The pay is not in money form, but the moments are invaluable anyways.
I don't really know you, but I believe in you. You can walk past this, through this, and become better. That is within you.
A practice I have that sometimes helps me, when I start struggling with the messages put in my mind from my ex, is I imagine there's a fishhook in the site of my brain that message is coming from. I grasp the end of the hook, and I work it out of my mind. I do this by traveling it's reality, figuring out how it got there, naming its feeling, and remembering that its message is not truth. When I finally get it it, I let it go. I don't need those hooks into my past anymore, especially the ones that try to convince me I'm less than I am. I may look crazy, i sometimes feel crazy, but it always helps me!
