Really need some help
So my girlfriend and I were dating for 2.5 years. We were both so happy. We got along so well. My family welcomed her and she was part of the family from the first time they met her. The same thing goes for me and her family. They were the best and they saw how well I treated her and that I genuinely cared for her. During our relationship she had a big depression period. I was the first and looking back probably the only one that knew. She told me she trusted me the most and stuff. So being a good bf I told her everything was going to be fine. We got over that hump together she was happy and that made me happy. I was there for her at her worst. I would never leave her. I did so much for her like for our one year anniversary I made a book of all our memories together with pictures and exact dates along with summaries of what we did and such. I made her cards, and other stuff. She did the same thing.
We were so great with each other that I showed her some of my hobbies I like and she did the same. Things were great. So I thought. Towards November and December she asked for a break. She said she was lost and needed to focus more on herself, and hang out with family. We talked it out both times and eventually thought we could get through it together. I started to realize after Christmas that we do need to fix things and I was in the process of doing so. Not just for her myself in general too. She has anxiety, depression, ADHD, and is bipolar . Since I was with her I learned to accept those things she had because that is what you do when you really love someone. I was getting stressed and realized I started to get anxiety. I started to feel way better and I thought things would get better once class started back up in January. However, she thought otherwise. SHe asked for a break for the third time. This time I let her talk and instead of telling her no or anything like that I agreed. I thought that be the best. So a few days went by and I was a mess but I was feeling better than she asks for a breakup and that she can't do this. She told me she needs to find herself, she can't love someone until she loves herself, and she thought that I deserved someone better.
I was shocked and hurt but accepted it right away bc I could tell she was happy. However once I thought about it I was a mess. For about a week I was acting on pure emotion, not thinking. I begged her for another chance and stuff. I then stopped bc I realized what I was doing. Since than I have been more focussed on myself doing things I wanted to do. I thought time and space was all we needed from each other. We spent so much time together we both lost who we were. So her birthday was yesterday and I made her a card bc I thought it is a nice thing. You treat others the way you want to be treated. She texted me thank you for the birthday card. I am not sure if she actually meant it or not. I wrote a letter to her explaining that I truly love her. I wrote it with all my heart. I said all I want her is to be happy. Whether that is with me or not, as much as it hurts to see her with someone else. I said I can't compete with other guys but I can give you a heart that truly loves you but I do understand if you are not ready for a committed relationship like that.
I really do love her and I would love to get back together. Her family has a big influence on that and she does too. However today my friend sent me her Instagram post. (I got rid of all social media, to better myself) She said that she hasn't been this happy ever and is thankful for the people that helped and that were there through moving from her dad's house to her mom's house. It hurts reading that not that she is happy but I was there during that transition in life. I was there when not many people were there. I supported her during that very hard time in her life. I just don think she cares or appreciated anything I did for her which sucks. I am starting to think maybe she never loved me and just used me for a source of happiness for a while. I am trying to move on but it is so hard because I still love her and care for her. It sucks knowing she may think I was a bad boyfriend or something but I really was not at all. It really has taken a toll on me today.
Thank you for reading this. I know it is long but I really could use someone. I am trying to move on but some days I want her back others I don't. I am so lost and I feel like I could have done more but I know I did the best I can for her.
@twstr8223 I can tell you're a very caring person and you put so much effort into your relationship with your ex, making sure that shed feel loved and trying to help her be happier because she meant a lot to you. You seem like an incredibly loving and understanding person who really wanted to make things work, through thick and thin, and I'm sure that in the future when youre in a relationship again someday, you'd try your best to be a good boyfriend and that really means a lot.
It seems like she was going through a lot of personal issues and didn't want to feel responsible for upholding a relationship or maybe burdening you with her problems while she focused on figuring out who she is and growing up. You mention her parents so I assume you two are young, the good thing about that is that the future is unsure and although it stings, it also means things may turn out better than you think. I'm sorry you feel like she may have taken your love for granted but it seems like she wanted to let go because she thought that's what would be best. That said, as much as her healing is important, so is yours and who knows... Maybe eventually when you're older, life will bring you back together as friends or partners again.
Trying to see things from her persoectiuve, its a lot of pressure to try to plan your life around someone, especially when you struggle with mental illnesses and feel like you need to figure out how to work them out alone. Keeping a stable relationship while feeling unstable is a very difficult thing and it makes maturity to admit she wasn't ready for it.
It makes sense you feel unloved when you see her finally be happy after breaking up even though you spent so much time and energy trying to help her. Your feelings are completely valid because I'd react the same in your place, you're not a bad person for doubting she really cared about you and feeling used. It makes sense... You deserve love too, you deserve friends making an effort to show you they care too.
Its okay to take the time to mourn because the ending of a serious relationship can often feel as terrible as a death because we no longer get to have a loved one close to us anymore. It's okay to have mixed feelings because nothing is absolute and it's really painful to let go of someone you imagined you could've spent your whole life with.
I'm proud of you for being so incredibly self aware and analyzing what's going on. Youll get through this and it'll get easier as time goes on. You're clearly making an effort toi be a healthy person and the best version of yourself and I applaud you for that.
Love will come back to you, in some way, I promise it'll come back.
@Peacefulgardens Thank you so much for the kind response. I totally understand what you are saying. It happened 2 months ago. I was a wreck at first but now I am doing a lot better. I am more focussed on myself and doing stuff that I have always wanted to do, trying to become the best person I can. It has been a struggle sometimes for me. Some days I feel I want to get back together with her and others I do not want anything to do with her. I realize it is totally normal to feel like that and as time goes on it will get better. Time heals all wounds. I do not hate her or dispose of her at all. I am so thankful that I had her in my life for the past 2.5 years. I learned so much from her.
I totally understand the thing about mental health too. I never really took mental health seriously until I met her. When I met her she started to open up about her struggle with all her mental health problems. I was one of the first to know and probably the only because she trusted me. Her biggest fear was losing the people she cared about the most. She feared that I would leave her. I told no I wouldn't. I started to do research on mental health and she saw that in my search history and wrote a letter how it meant so much to her, that no one has ever done that to her. So as time went on I believe I started to get some anxiety myself. Now, I am a lot better because I realized that I was too focussed on her and her health that I forgot about my own.
It is hard knowing that she is lost and confused and she is doing it on by herself. However, I realize that is what you need to do in life face problems by yourself and find out who you are, what you want in someone, and what you want to do with life. I do wish her the best during this time. My friend said that she started to drink. It is strange to see hear her do stuff like that because she was never one to drink before because she said it leads to bad stuff and brings memories of her past when she is younger. I am not worried as much anymore because she can do whatever she wants with her life, I have to be strong and focus on my life. Good things will happen to me as time goes on. This time is for me to become the best possible person I can.
@twstr8223 That's so well thought out and mature of you to say. I really appreciate your mindset and I think anyone who is close to you now or will be in the future is incredibly lucky to get to have a friend with such a high level of insight on themselves. It makes me feel better knowing people like you exist. ❤
