~Painful Seperation~

I can fully understand your pain. Even though I haven't gone through exactly what you've gone through, I can understand how you feel. I went through a nasty divorce myself after a 13-year marriage to an abuser who was a police officer. In addition I had to go through multiple child custody battles because I have four children. I don't know how old you are but two years is not a long time. I know how much it hurts because you wanted it to work out. Sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy of a relationship myself and I tried to sabotage things but I don't do it intentionally. I'm 53 years old and I now realize that you can't change people, no matter how hard you try. I'm sorry that he feels that way about you. It's tough when you're the only one doing everything in the relationship. I tend to do that a lot because of my childhood traumas. I am trying to take more responsibility for myself and the pain that I've caused in my own life and not put all the blame on my ex-husband. But it's difficult because he is to blame for a lot of it because he was severely abusive. I never wanted to get into another abusive relationship but I eventually did again. I got out of it 2 years ago and I promised myself again that I wouldn't get into another relationship. But I guess I lied to myself. I got into another relationship within a month but it was different this time. I had moved back home and ran into an old high school crush and things turned around for me. I told him right away that I didn't want to have a non committed relationship. He agreed. Although our relationship is not perfect, it's working for us. But I'll admit that it's been extremely difficult. It's difficult for him to deal with my childhood abuse. I never knew that he was abused until recently and he said that I trigger him, which I don't want to do and I never intended to do. But sometimes s*** happens. But don't stop being you because he couldn't accept you the way you were. That's his problem. I know it might not bring you much joy right this minute but it will be tough for a little while. But at least you're on this website and you're getting help for yourself. I just joined today actually.

You're very welcome. I'm still trying to figure out how to find my messages. Lol. It literally took me about 3 minutes to get to this page. I appreciate your kindness because I really don't have many friends in real life and I just moved back home after a 30-year hiatus. So I'm still trying to get used to everything. I work a lot and it keeps my mind off of things but I took two days off because I've been sick with the flu but at the same time I'm very very stressed out. I don't want to take away from your post. It's just that I have to go to court with my ex-husband in the next few weeks and I haven't seen him in 4 years as well as my children. I'm sorry if I already mentioned that. I just woke up and I'm really still not feeling good but I have to plug along and go to work today. I recently started seeing a doctor and got some anxiety medication but I don't even know if I want to stay on it because I'm so sensitive to medication that it's giving me weird side effects. But anyway, I truly hope that you know that this is not your fault. Sometimes people are just too different. It's a struggle these days to even be in a relationship it seems because life is not what it was like before... Things are changing in the world and a lot of it does seem too good. I try not to get too stressed out about it. As they say like attracts like and I try not to think about bad things or about the past too much because all it does is make me upset. Sometimes I feel like my partner doesn't understand me. He's been through a lot in his childhood too but he's never talked about it with anybody let alone a therapist. So he refuses to talk about his childhood even though he's shared some abuse He's gone through. What I have noticed about relationships at my age is that a lot of the relationships I've had with men, seem very similar....no matter what type of background or what type of job or what type of childhood they've had. - they all were very abusive whether it was physically and or mentally. But it's hard to recognize the signs in the beginning because most people want to put on a front. And then by the time you fall in love with them, then you're trapped because all of a sudden they start acting differently. So I have to look at myself to see why I am attracting these type of people into my life.. I've been doing what they call Shadow work. I'm trying to see what I'm doing wrong in relationships so that I don't keep making the same mistakes. Well I have to get going cuz I have to get ready for work but I hope you have a lovely day. Remember to take care of yourself... Mind body and spirit. Much love.

Hi,

I sympathize with you, I've been divorced 10 years and still feel exactly how you feel. In 10 years, I've dated but I always keep in my mind my past failures in my marriage, this thought process has stopped me from being happy and trusting. It's hard to date after a divorce. Best luck to you!