Need Help!

Recently it has been brought to my attention more and more that something drastic needs to change in my life for me to start to get better. I will have been married 24 years this July. My husband is an alcoholic. He has been in and out of rehab 2x in the past. I thought about leaving him then, but I knew I couldn't support my children. So they grew up and now have mental and emotional trauma. My oldest escaped and is now a polite stranger. My 2 youngest are still home. They want to leave but they are afraid that they will be leaving me alone. About 2 years ago, he started drinking again. He tried to lie and hide it for a while, which didn't help. He has been increasingly verbally abusive to me, even in front of my kids (who are now over 18). My kids see me falling deeper and deeper into depression. My son suffers from extreme anxiety and passes out from stress. His therapist said that he is getting better, but his progress won't continue until his home life improves. She asked me what could be done to resolve the issues at home. She said that I need to give my husband  a consequence and follow up. I need to have a serious conversation with him about changes in our relationship. Or, separation, possibly leading to divorce. 

A few problems. 1. His mind is mush. He can't remember anything he has done. 2. He believes he is in the Right. Everything is my fault- the lack of intimacy, caring (in his thinking-waiting on him hand and foot (maid), one of our many arguments), money, etc. 3. he doesn't believe in AA, therapists, etc. He thinks that all of his issues can be solved by meds. He is on anti-depressants and sleep aids, among others. These cause side effects which have also affected our relationship,

Yes. I am responsible too. I only have a part-time job right now. Partly to deal with my son's medical issues. Partly because I have low self-esteem, coupled with depression. In the past I have had some extremely negative feedback, so even updating my resume gives me anxiety. The thought of going to an interview terrifies me. Another major issue is that when he goes on his rants, I shut down. I don't know how to respond back and if I open my mouth, it just goes on longer and gets worse. 

I know that he is under a lot of stress too because of money and work. I'm sure he know that if something happens because of the alcohol, he would lose his job. 

I don't know what to do. But I need to do something. I have no support. His family gives him excuses. His family and mine do not know how to deal with mental health issues or dependency. He has been increasingly controlling of my life. I feel like I'm not going to be able to hold on for very much longer. I am getting professional help slowly. But, again, I can't get better until the situation changes. 

If anyone has been in a similar situation, please give me advice. I have no one to talk to about these things. Thank you.