My wife is pregnant and I’m not the father.
Sadly I’ve come to learn that my wife is pregnant after sleeping with someone at work. I’m truly devastated. My life plans have disintegrated in front of me and I’m lost. I didn’t ask for any of this and I still love my wife but I can’t raise someone else’s child.
@Daveboi115
so sorry! man, this sucks big time.
Actually you can raise someone else’s child if you decide to. Many people have done it. I’m not telling you what to do, but that is an option. If your wife Is remorseful, then maybe the relationship can be salvaged. Otherwise, maybe you will have to break up and start over
Thank you for your reply.
I suppose you’re correct. I’d be more correct to state that it’s a line in the sand for me that I’m not prepared to do so. It may have been different if I’d met someone with a child, but to raise a child that has come from infidelity to me when I was with my wife is simply too much for me. It wouldn’t be fair on the child on my opinion as I’d be afraid of harbouring resentment towards it and potentially show favouritism if my own kids were to come along eventually. All of that even relies upon the fact that relationship was able to survive the aftermath anyway.
At this point it’s looking like a fresh start for me,
Agreed with the person above. It sucks that this happened. And of course it's up to you. But ask yourself this... if she had slept with that co-worker but not become pregnant, would you have forgiven her? If the answer is no, then fair enough. If the answer is yes then ask yourself what makes it different. In both circumstances she did the same thing. The betrayal is the same. That kid is the innocent in this situation.
The kid is certainly innocent, but it’s not my child and I didn’t place myself in this scenario. I could certainly see myself working through things with my wife or at least trying, had there been no pregnancy. But I simply can’t raise a child that isn’t my own. It wouldn’t be fair on the child either considering the possibility or resentment or favouritism if my own kids were to come along in the future.
@Daveboi115,
ask yourself rather whether the love between the two of you is strong enough to work things through.
I understand you get emotional but people make mistakes.
Do not act merely out of emotion. Act out of love instead.
If there is still love between you, you could consider relship therapy.
Maybe moving out, as in, sperate for a while, that helps to create distance and create some space to take some distance. To step out of the situation.
Acting out of emotion will always let you make the wrong decision. I know all about that.
Don't listen to Confusedraven. That's like saying a child makes no difference, it absolutely does, it's NOT you child, you have NO responsibility towards them, they HAVE a father. Your wife did not simply cheat but she did it unprotected too, that's not something one should easily gloss over, this child means YEARS of your life dedicated to their health, wellbeing, love given to them and a lot of sacrifices, that is not nothing and definitely not something you should be forced to do.
It is clear you did give it thought .... i think the child will be a constant reminder and not good if and when you have your own children as you will most likely feel different towards them like you have mentioned.
It is clear you know your feelings and that most likely will not change.
I understand you love her, but she has shown you through her actions how she truly is. The moment she feels things are not working out is when she will start to cheat, it shows a lack of integrity on her part. It's so important to be with someone you can trust, especially when it comes to raising an family. She betrayed you and your trust, and didn't care how all of this would impact you. You might have to contact a lawyer on how to proceed with this, but she will more than likely cheat again if you stay with her.
