Moving on
My fiancé of 2 months dumped me about a month ago saying she didn’t love me anymore and even though she had some personal issues leading to the relationship end, I definitely did too and I want to work on myself. She said we could reevaluate in a few months but I need help moving on because I know that as bad as I want us to get back together, I can’t let that be my man motivation to fix myself… and also I’m just struggling because I still love her so much…. Please help!!
Even though she said she’d like to reconnect in the next few months to talk I think you should take her seriously when she says she doesn’t love you. I’m a firm believer that you can’t turn off and on a true, strong feeling in a matter of a few months. Especially if you were dating long term before the engagement.I mean when exactly had she stopped loving you to end things rather than work them out with you? Seems like she jumped ship instead of trying to patch things up.. of course you still love her though. You were engaged after all. I think you should take it for what it is and move on. But if you’re really going to go back to see things through I’d focus on her feelings and where SHE is at since she is that one who ended things and needs the reassurance. You’re going to have to do a lot more listening to change and understand rather than listening to respond. No matter what I think is says a lot about you for being here to get some advice ❤️ Very cool of you to do. If you love her and want to invest you may even considering counseling together and for long term. No just a few weeks and then hope you’re magically better.
That’s the super weird part - she said she didn’t feel that way until about a week before the breakup which makes me wonder if she really felt that way or she was just hurt and confused. She sounded sure but in just a few weeks especially since we had only been engaged for two months, it seems like a very short time to stop loving someone. But thank you so much for your thoughts it seriously means a lot. Can I get your advice or the communities on how to be a better listener?
That’s a good point. If she said it only happened a week before the break up it definitely could have just been something she reacted to prematurely. I would tell her that you would rather work things through than deal with a break up, that definitely isn’t fair for you. Honestly, there are a lot of books on (active) listening but also if you’re interested a counselor could help with practicing coaching for you guys. They’d be able to work through communication that would might help your fiancé express herself before she reactions out of hurt or confusion, if that were to happen again. I know that often times you can find active listening workshops as well that help train you to listen to understand rather than listening just to plan your response. I took a training course on effective(active) listening and it’s really changed my outlook on how well I actually pay attention. You probably could look into LinkedIn learning courses, because I know that I took some there too and maybe even look up Ted Talks?
This has all been super helpful and those are great ideas. Thank you so much for all of your input. It was hard because I tried to share that we should’ve worked through things but she continued to say she was too far gone unfortunately, but I guess who knows where things will go in the future. The other thing I’m struggling with is finding peace with things that doesn’t revolve around us possibly getting back together
She simply lost interest and best remedy in such a scenerio would be to accept things the way they're. Unfortunately, the mind won't allow you to have peace, it'll keep taking you back to her even though you know very well letting go is the best option for you. I'm currently in a similar predicament and the mind has been my biggest impendment in my efforts to let go...
I just broke up with my bf and currently having the same issues with you. He has some issues with himself. A week before break up, he was okay. He was still lovely, he was still warm. But, out of sudden, he wanna break up with me and said he didn’t love me anymore. It’s hurt, really. I didn’t wanna question more to him. I know it’s really hard, it’s okay to let yourself think about her. Me too, I still love him so much. But, at the same time, I am fixing myself for me. Even though suddenly I remember him, I just let me crying. After that, continue again with my life. Just let her be, don’t wait for her, don’t runaway either. Just continue your life even though you still love that person. I give him space as well, but I don’t wanna think of him that much anymore. I feel so much better after this
If someone says they don’t love you anymore, believe them and move on. I should have done that when I was dating someone who told me that, but I held on for 10 months. And my husband should have listened to me when I told him I didn’t think I loved him enough to marry him and asked for space. Well, he was convinced I did love him enough and I was embarrassed to break off our engagement, so here I am 16 year later still married to him and wishing I had listened to my gut and he had listening to me and let me go. Now 4 kids later we have a beautiful little family but it’s hard knowing maybe I could have found someone I could give my whole heart to.
