I'm ready to move out this time
I'm finally going to stick with my decision to move out from my husband (married 6 years, together 9). Twice before I've been on the brink, have looked at places, and changed my mind at the last minute after I saw ways he had changed. What's different this time is that I can accept the ways he can't change and realize that the things that hurt aren't about me. It's just the way he is. By leaving, I'm also doing the right thing for him by releasing him from the frustration of being unable to make me happy.
Leaving and unrooting my life will be stressful, especially for my 11 year old son. However, he already seems happier in part because I am more at peace.
@peacefulforest75
Hello <3, Welcome to Relationship Support Space. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with us. But, we apologize for the delay in responding to you.
As I see we are late in supporting you, can you please help us with the current status of the concerns you have and if you still would like to discuss and figure things out together with us?
We would be glad to listen and support you, if we could be of some help. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Sending virtual hugs!
@ASilentObserver
Thanks for following up. I'm doing well...been in my own place for about two weeks and haven't seen my husband in three weeks (he's out of the country). I don't miss him. I was just thinking about this the other night. I miss who he was early in our relationship several years ago, but he has changed to become more independent and wanting to do things his own way. I have changed too but instead I want to do things more collaboratively.
About a year ago, after a particularly hurtful argument with my husband, I reconnected with someone I dated briefly before my husband and I met. He used to be a marriage counselor and was always easy to talk with (plus doesn't know my husband) so we met a couple times and talked through each others problems (his wife cheated on him and left him, and they are finalizing their divorce now). I've slowly realized that I still have feelings for him and we've starting dating since I've been in my own place. He's been very understanding and patient, telling me that he'd be happy just being friends but wants more if/when I'm ready for that. I'm moving slowly because I know I've longed for that emotional connection and I want to make sure I'm really into him and not just the attention.
I wonder what's going to happen when my husband gets back. Will he miss me when he realizes I'm really gone? Can I be strong if he asks for another chance, knowing that I gave him many chances and he always returned to the same behaviors? A particular issue I have is that he "withdraws" and doesn't communicate with me for days if he feels hurt or unappreciated, even when he knows this is hurtful to me. This was the last straw for me that led to my decision to finally leave. I hate to say never as I'm the type of person who always looks for the best in people, but I think I'd need to see him seriously work on things for a while (months/years) before I'd consider giving him another chance. OTOH, maybe these behaviors are because he's over the relationship and just couldn't tell me directly.
