I lost everything. Tying up loose ends.
Recently I've come to terms with how unlikely it was for me to truly connect with anyone.
I cut off people who made me a person I wasn't proud of, but in the process I no longer have friends or family.
What was really the breaking straw for me was learning someone I still love moved on and found someone else.
We had been together before but I sabotaged it and abandoned them in their time if need so I understand. I deeply regret it and wish I had done my best but what's done is done.
They're willing to still be in contact so I'm still happy about that. But I guess since they were the only person who really ever cared about me mutually, the loss is much more devastating.
I remember I tried to leave so they could find someone better. I guess it really happened.
It hurts so badly but I understand the repercussions. I am happy for them and their partner too, honestly. I'm sure they deserve each other.
I know I have to tell them at some point I still love them non platonically but I don't know when will be the right time. How would I know if it was the right time?
I don't want to take advantage of their kindness, getting to be near them without them knowing what kind of light I still see them in. Even if they're my last friend, that doesn't matter and I refuse to drag them down with me.
I'm really anticipating people to insult me. I wouldn't be surprised. It does sound pathetic.
But if there's even a slim chance of hearing solid wisdom on this I'll take the chance.
@0820170719105
Hi :)
I think you made a very bold and wise decision to do what is best for you. You didn't like the person you were becoming so you did what you had to do. Sometimes, when you finally decide to the right thing that path will be taken alone for a while but, it's better to have a chance at rising above the water and take it before you drown all the way with no chance at all.
As for the relationship one, I believe you should approach telling the person in a respectful way. Let them know, you truly appreciate their presence in your life and you understand that they have moved on; you're okay with it but, you love them platonically and genuinely appreciate them standing by your side still despite your past actions. Let them know that it's refreshing to have someone around who cares for you <3
People are sometimes also going to take what you say the wrong way because they won't want to open their minds. However, it's not your job to explain to someone who's being willingly ignorant what you mean by what you say. 9 times out of 10 they might already know but, they don't want to acknowledge what goes aside from what they believe.
It's really inspiring that you did what you dis though. I have the same decision to make but, being alone didn't sound too nice to me so I've been holding off. Well, not really. I haven't been talking to those people as much for them to badly influence me but, I haven't clearly severed any ties yet either. It's a complicated story, honestly.
Back to you, keep going. You're doing amazing!
@CoolBeans29
Thank you so much for your detailed response. It really helps to have outside validation on what I chose. And I hope you can find the strength to leave those people and pursue a new life as well.
@0820170719105
P.s., the only thing you may have lost are the weights on your wings!
@0820170719105
being near someone when you still love them is extremely painful. You have a lot of strength for that and are showing a lot of growth by being genuinely happy for them. If you're not, it's ok to say too, we won't judge.
ive been and currently still am on the other side of your situation. I was the one pushed away. Maybe what you can do is start off with an apology for how you treated them and left them when they needed you, how you appreciate their presence in your life now and their ability to forgive you. It would go a long way. That's just me assuming you haven't apologized or explained your previous behavior. Even if you have, I would do it again, because it doesn't hurt to hear more than once. As someone who has gotten burned by someone who told me they don't want to drag me down with them, I can tell you the pain is terrible and a sincere apology would do so much to ease the transition and healing for both of you.
@helpfulPond3973
Honestly, right now I feel both at the same time. I am happy, I can already sense how much weight lifted off of them and I'm glad they have someone who will treat them like they deserve. But I am sad too. I thought I would be angry but I'm just heartbroken as I rarely love people.
And thank you so much for sharing your experience on the other side. It really helps. I can see I shouldn't make it about myself with the dragging down and all. It really doesn't help either party. I'll keep in mind what your experience and advice is.I did apologize before multiple times but I do think one last conversation is necessary to end this chapter in our lives.
