I can’t forgive myself
I hurt my ex before ending our marriage. I cheated on him. But I could never bring myself to tell him. Or my family. i knew they’d be disappointed and hurt. And since then I’m just stuck in perpetual self hatred. I can’t move on. I can’t form relationships. Or friendships. I worry about posting this and getting severely judged by everyone. I did things the wrong way and I don’t know if there’s ever moving past this. I stuck as a human being and I wake up reminded of out every single day
Just a thought, take it the way you like. :) Why not first start to forgive yourself and figure this out internally. Then, listen carefully to what your instinct say about what you should or shouldn't do.l with his situation. That instinct is supposed to be judgment-free. So listen to the kind voice inside of you, because you can only really do something with kindness and forgiveness towards yourself. Judgement will keep you stuck and unable to move freely in your own being. I can imagine why it is so hard for you carrying this with you. Take it step by step. But first forgive yourself and then decide what will be the next step in your journey. All the best. 🌼
Oops, made some grammar mistakes. Sorry.
I agree you have to forgive yourself. Also, look up the 12 Steps of AA, step 9 is Forgiveness. You can do a google search and find it online. It talks about knowing when to bring up the past and when it may be better not to, such as when doing so would open an old wound or cause more harm than good. I don’t think it’s kind to dump your mistakes on others to make yourself feel better. Unless you want to get back with your ex, you probably don’t need to tell him or family, you’ve already hurt him and then, more pain would open the old wound. Once you can forgive yourself you will feel so much better. It took me 16 years to forgive myself for something and then one day I read a quote that said something like I did the best I could with what I knew. And it just clicked, and I felt better. To be human is to make mistakes. You don’t have to advertise your mistakes. I wish you the best.
Thank you for that! I try to forgive. It’s been nearly a decade. The problem for me is that at the time I confided in my best friend (or so I thought), who then turned around and told our mutual circle of friends and community. Who then stopped talking and ghosted me, though no one ever directly said anything to me and I can’t confirm any of this. But you put 2+2 together when ppl stop talking to you suddenly all after a certain event. So the only ones who never found out were my ex and my family. It just makes me feel always worried that one day some one is going to bring it up.
I’m so sorry that happened. I’ve also made some mistakes and worry that since I talked to some of my close friends that one day my mistakes may become public knowledge. BUT, my worries are just that: worries. I like this quote, “When you worry, you suffer twice.” And I would add that every day you worry is another day of suffering. Sooooo...try to let go of the worry somehow. Write down all your horrible feelings of worry and then throw them away and try to feel some relief. You made mistakes but you did the best you could.
At the same time, if you really need to get it off your chest maybe you need to do just that. In the end, only you know what’s right for you and your peace of mind.
My circumstances are very similar to yours. I haven't figured out all the answers, but if you want to talk, I'm here.
I'm sorry you're going through that. I recently went through a breakup that I initiated, and I know I hurt my ex badly. I hate myself for it and have been stuck in that mindset since. I know how difficult it can be to move on. I don't have much advice to offer other than trying to forgive yourself, and knowing you're not alone. Also, know that you don't suck as a person. We, as humans, make mistakes all the time. I understand the pain you're feeling but it has not diminished your worth or goodness 😊
I am in a similar situation and my biggest fee is our children finding out and losing them. I have no words of wisdom but I just wanted you to know you are not alone.