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How to leave
NotAllHere713 August 9th
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Hello. For those of you who have gone through a divorce- What was the first step that you took? 

I'll be married for 24 years at the end of the month. My husband is an alcoholic. He is currently on his 3rd episode. He's been to rehab twice. I didn't leave earlier because I loved him and for the children. But this year something changed. My depression was getting so bad that I decided to try again to get help. Luckily, now I have a psych that understands me and a therapist that actually cares. Recently, I have been seriously thinking about leaving him. Years of mental and verbal abuse have destroyed my self-esteem and my spirit. The worst thing is that his brain is mush- he blows up and blames me for everything, then the next day he forgets and says he loves me. He still supports me and the kids but I am worried he will be caught drunk (even though he only drinks at home) and lose his job. He is a stranger to me and the kids. In the meantime, my depression is getting worse. I know the situation needs to change so the kids and I can begin to heal. But I don't know how to start. I know that I am not in the financial situation where I can support myself and the kids (who are all over 18). I should be looking for a new job, but my anxiety kicks in hard when I think of updating my resume and rejection. I don't have a support system, so I am reaching out in the hope that someone here can offer some words of wisdom or encouragement. Thank you.

3
toughTiger6481 August 9th
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@NotAllHere713

hello and i am here to say you are not alone... part of why we stayed was we only saw hurdles and reasons to stay... the best thing is to make a plan... access your complete joint  financial situation and google the divorce laws and such in your area you live. 

If your kids are over 18 they will need to start helping if not supporting themselves. Depending on situation you may be able to collect alimony.... 

The mush you describe is not going to get any better my partner has early onset dementia. The longer it goes the less likely he will ever wake up to what he is doing to you and his kids.... NONE of it is a reflection on you and do not let his moods and BS take any more of your self esteem.  forgive yourself for enabling and plan your future.... Time is a precious commodity that we need to make the most of what we have left. 

NotAllHere713 OP August 9th
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@toughTiger6481 

Thank you for sharing some of your story with me. It makes me feel less alone. 

I stayed because I thought it would be better for the kids to have a roof over their heads. Looking back, I wish I left then they would not be so emotionally scarred. 

Financially, we are not doing so great. Some unwise purchases and overextending. 

I just don't know how to approach him to tell him that I want to leave. 

toughTiger6481 August 9th
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@NotAllHere713

If due to financial items if possible separate in place what i mean by that is treat him as you feel a roommate.

Be cordial but do not treat this as marriage... it may take time but planning for future ... find a better job save up and or clean up any financials that is a joint debt etc.  in building and planning what you want in your future it gives you hope and self worth. 



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