How do you feel more comfortable with a partner who’s very different from you?
Not entirely considering a breakup, but I’m a little confused. I’m dating a new guy who I both like and love very much. I wouldn’t want to change him at all, I love him for who he is. The only thing is, we’re very different. It doesn’t make me like him any less, but we aren’t alike in many ways at all. Politically, religiously, lifestyle-wise, etc. It doesn’t necessarily bother me, and like I said, I would never try to change him. But I don’t feel 100% comfortable either. It’s not his fault, I’ve just never dated someone so different than me. The only reason why I feel uncomfortable is because I catch myself having thoughts here and there that say “wow, I really don’t agree with that”, or “why would he do/say/think that?”. I still love him the same, but my question is: What can I do to help stop the semi-judgmental thoughts? How can I be more accepting of our differences? How can I grow as a person to truly feel comfortable with someone different from me? I mean no harm by the thoughts that I have, and I honestly mean it when I say I don’t want him to change at all, I think I just need help becoming more accepting. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you all so much ♥︎
I’m also dating someone who has very different opinions on some important things. I was already in love when these things came up and I was surprised at first and a little angry. Because it was going to be hard to give up on the relationship as in most ways it was amazing. And I could see a future. So I thought wow he’s such a lovely person so maybe he will change his mind, maybe he’ll change on these particular things. He hasn’t changed his feelings on them, and he has asked that I don’t ‘try to change’ him....but he says “I’m a talker so talk to me so I understand why you feel like that” and I have talked to him about why things bother me....and he has talked about why he feels the way he does ....and we have realised the experiences we have had in our lives are very different and have brought us to different beliefs about some things. It still annoys me at times but I understand and we work around it. Also HE now understands things about me that were hard for him to accept too. I think the magic words for us were “talk to me, tell me more so I understand”. And with understanding each other has come a lot more ‘movement’ and even change .... he makes an effort at things that he wouldn’t have seen possible before and I appreciate it....and he’s proud of himself for doing that for me. And I try to see things through his eyes a lot more instead of automatically doing things that he would find challenging to his beliefs. Sometimes I wish I could have fallen in love with someone more ‘compatible’ in beliefs but I also know that what I’ve got is working as his honesty and communication overrides all. A year on and it’s only getting better.
It really depends on various things...
For example, when it comes to music and clothing it's not a big deal.
Opinions, same I guess because we'll just express ourselves instead of fighting about who's right...You know what I mean?
But lifestyle is getting me concerned, he is a stay-home person while I'm a walker and he HATES walking...He had sooo much experience in life compared to me especially I am 4 years younger than him.
We have quite different ways to deal or cope with problems... btw he is diagnosed with severe depression and OCD but he never fails at showing me his love and care.
I am still friendly despite all the betrayals I've experienced. But for him, he would rather be a lone-wolf to keep himself safe but he has a tendency of being overprotective.
And now for the first time, he showed me disapproval of me working outside the house once married after being the one who supported me the most in my studies (he know how much my studies mean to since I devoted my whole childhood and my teenagerhood to it, work is not just about getting money because I am working hard to reach the filed I've always dreamt about) and his excuse was that he's risking his life at work for my safety and he's scared that cruel society would destroy me, and stupid me said yes thinking he was just pranking me or whatever.
Unfortunately, we are on a LDR and I guess I should wait for the day we meet up and have a face-to-face conversation.
I'd like you to advise me, just please don't tell me to break up with him