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Kay9833
1 895 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 31 Compassion hearts44 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes28 Current upvotes28 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceDecember 2, 2018
Bio

hello, my name snowy! i struggle with borderline personality disorder, GAD and panic disorder, bipolar type 1, psychosis and cptsd. former emotional, verbal, sexual, physical, financial, and mental abuse, along with a history of substance abuse. just here to help and receive advice ♡

Recent forum posts
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spice addiction
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by Kay9833
Last post
 August 4th, 2022
...See more i am addicted to spice. i am also an alcoholic and i smoke pot. in the past i huffed and did dxm/whippits/benadryl/benzos + multiple overdoses on meds. my biological father was never present in my life, he was an addict. killed himself by overdosing on heroin on purpose. despite never once having him around to influence me, i still turned out just like him. bpd, bipolar disorder, ptsd, it’s all there. the mood swings are unbearable. the addiction is killing me. this is honestly the best time of my life. 21, just became co-owner of a business, my entire life is work and i’m moving forward. it’s my first time not having a favorite person in my life. i used to get so obsessed. now all i care about is my family and drugs. the drugs are getting me through all of the stress, all of the long days, the episodes and panic attacks. spice is making it worse. but god, when i sober up after bein geeked it’s like nothing happened, i feel so fresh and calm, no stress, i can think clearer than usual and accomplish more. i have more energy and i’m losing weight. i love spice, but i hate it. i’m just not ready to part with it yet. i am under the influence while writing this. take care everyone. stay safe.
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Question: Am I more than just bipolar?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Kay9833
Last post
 May 11th, 2022
...See more Hello, today I have a question that I’m hoping I could get some advice on. I am diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar Disorder. I realized I’ve been doing bad things to people since I was a kid without being aware that it was problematic or hurtful. It’s like I’ve been doing these things subconsciously, I give them no thought, I just act. I am a compulsive liar, I’ll lie about anything without thinking. I’ve abandoned people because I was bored with them. I’ve been emotionally and verbally abusive in relationships. I’ve said terrible things to people. I’ve hurt many people throughout my life. The thing that’s been bothering me the most is something that I became aware of a few days ago. To cope with certain situations, I will create false scenarios in my head, and believe that they are real. These scenarios usually relate to other people in my life. I choose what I want to believe, and I live it as if it’s reality. It goes farther than that though. I have false expectations of these people. I expect them to follow along with my scenarios, with what I want. When things with people don’t go the way I imagined, I blow up on them. Take it out on them. The way I choose to take situations is something I genuinely believe. I think it’s reality. And when I am shown that it’s not reality, I freak out, often getting upset with the people I’ve involved. I don’t want to control anyone. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I am admitting these things as the first step. My question is, is this more than bipolar disorder? Does this sound like any other kind of disorder? I’m so confused, I can’t figure out what is the cause of all of these behaviors. I feel manipulative, abusive. I am extremely upset with myself. Thank you all.
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Bipolar disorder and compulsive lying?
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Kay9833
Last post
 April 14th, 2022
...See more Hello, I have a question for y’all, are any of you compulsive liars? Is this something that goes along with bipolar disorder? I just became aware that I tend to exaggerate, lie out of habit, and I make up lies to make myself look better and to hide my poor behavior. I think I’ve even done it to make people feel bad for me. I feel extremely bad. I didn’t realize I was doing this. I’ve lied since I was a child. It was something I discovered in therapy today. I’m disgusted with myself. Any tips on how to stop this behavior? I feel so terrible about it. Thank you for any advice.
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Is it okay for me to be depressed over the loss of someone I didn’t know?
Depression Support / by Kay9833
Last post
 March 4th, 2021
...See more Hello y’all, lately I’ve been feeling pretty depressed about the passing of my biological father. He passed away almost three years ago from a heroin overdose, but the thing is, I didn’t really know him. I was 17 when he passed, and before he passed away I kept having thoughts about reaching out to him. However, I missed my chance. I just feel depressed because I miss him. I wish I had gotten to know him. I’m sad that I didn’t get the opportunity to have a relationship with my own father. I wish he was still alive, I wish I could’ve helped him. I feel selfish because it feels like I’m only focusing on what I wanted and how I feel. What about him, what if he never wanted me in his life anyways? I guess I just needed to talk about this, thank you all for reading. I would appreciate some tips to help me cope with this loss if you guys would like to give input. Is it wrong for me to feel bad about it? Thank y’all so much ♥︎
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How do you feel more comfortable with a partner who’s very different from you?
Relationship Stress / by Kay9833
Last post
 March 1st, 2021
...See more Not entirely considering a breakup, but I’m a little confused. I’m dating a new guy who I both like and love very much. I wouldn’t want to change him at all, I love him for who he is. The only thing is, we’re very different. It doesn’t make me like him any less, but we aren’t alike in many ways at all. Politically, religiously, lifestyle-wise, etc. It doesn’t necessarily bother me, and like I said, I would never try to change him. But I don’t feel 100% comfortable either. It’s not his fault, I’ve just never dated someone so different than me. The only reason why I feel uncomfortable is because I catch myself having thoughts here and there that say “wow, I really don’t agree with that”, or “why would he do/say/think that?”. I still love him the same, but my question is: What can I do to help stop the semi-judgmental thoughts? How can I be more accepting of our differences? How can I grow as a person to truly feel comfortable with someone different from me? I mean no harm by the thoughts that I have, and I honestly mean it when I say I don’t want him to change at all, I think I just need help becoming more accepting. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you all so much ♥︎
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How to quit talking about sadness to partner?
Depression Support / by Kay9833
Last post
 June 29th, 2020
...See more Ive been dealing with MDD for 8 years. Every day, I feel hopeless and weighed down. I feel stuck in life. However, I have a very supportive and loving partner who helps a lot. Im very grateful for him. I feel like I talk about my problems and sadness too much though, you know? Like almost every day I have low moods. About 80% of the time when he asks how Im doing or whats wrong then Ill talk about how I feel depressed or exhausted. He says he understands and that it doesnt bother him, and that I dont weigh him down or anything, but I still want to talk to him about it less. How can I quit focusing on how depressed I am? How do I quit talking about it so often? How do I start pausing and thinking before I say anything? Thank you for the help everyone ♥︎
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