How do I let go? Or should I even let go?
So its kinda complicated but I'll try to make it brief. About a year ago I finally broke up with my ex. We were together for a year and a half, during that time i talked him down from trying to kill himself countless times. Every once in a while he would hurt himself but he would never actually try to kill himself. I now know that this was for attention or because he was mentally unstable but for me this made me but my own depression and anxiety and all of my problems aside all of the time. I was not allowed to be hurt by any of this because he would guilt trip me by trying to kill himself again. It was a vicious cycle that only ended with the help of others. But in the process of ending it I had to drop everything at random times for several days to make sure he wouldnt kill himself. At one point he even locked himself in the car and filled it up with cigarette smoke and started cutting himself as I tried to break in but was helpless to do so. But away I missed several days of school because of this and it was quite a burden and nightmare for me to be so frightened for so long that it was my job to try to keep him alive. But now a year later I have only talked to him a few times since we broke up but I was keeping tabs on him on facebook but recently he blocked me and I dont really know of any way to contact him. I don't need to contact him but I feel like my mind would stop worrying if I knew that he wasn't dead. So I guess im wondering should I just forget about him and stop worrying? and if so how do I do that? Or is it ok that I'm worrying?
Hi,
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through all that. It sounds like the threats of suicide, self-harm and guilt your ex laid on you was really stressful and hurtful to you.
First, his behaviour was not your fault. No matter how many times he tried to imply that was the case, it's simply not. You are not responsible for his mental health concerns, and you are definitely not responsible for his behaviour. And furthermore, it sounds like you did everything you could do to help him stay safe. It's clear to me that you're a very compassionate person, and were coming from a place of love at the time.
A lot of what you describe your ex as having done sounds like emotional abuse. The cycle you mentioned, the "guilt trips" and the escalation when you were trying to leave the relationship, are all signs of an abusive relationship. That being said, you did what you had to in order to take care of yourself; you left the relationship. And that is nothing to feel guilty about.
On the same hand, it's totally normal that you still care about him and want to make sure that he is safe. But, it's also important that you're safe from harm too--emotional/psychological harm is as real as physical harm--and it seems that your ex has done you a lot of harm in the past. I understand that you want to reach out to him--like I said before, you're a really kind and compassionate person--but consider what you might need to do to staysafe or limit contact with him before you try to contact him.
It's not my place to tell you whether or not you should contact your ex, but whatever you choose, take care ofyour wellbeing.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with someone who treated you that way.
Now that you are broken up, he is not your responsibility. Even when you were together, keeping him alive was not your responsbility, but especially now.
It is natural that after spending so long worrying about him that it's a trained response for you to continue to worry about his wellbeing. But it sounds like you have reached a point where it's unconstructive and interfering with your life. At this point, you may benefit from looking at self-help guides for how to stop worrying or let go of intrusive feelings of worry
