How do I get my desire for intimacy back?

@Krissybby23

I think it's perfectly normal to lose your sex drive after being in a relationship for a while. People expect their sex drives to be high naturally and sometimes it just doesn't happen that way. If your relationship is healthy and you are happy, then it really has to do with you. Unless of course you aren't attracted to him anymore. But if you are, then maybe you need to be more experimental with him or tell him that you want to abstain from sex for a certain amount of time. Then afterwards, because of the fact that you'll miss him, it might be good for you two physically and intimately. If not, try to think about what you want from him and communicate that with him. Communication about that might be a little nervewracking but it might be worth it. Overall, I wouldn't worry too much but lack of intimacy is not good in a relationship so it's worth it to try something new.

@Krissybby23 I've also been dating someone for two years and have a similar problem, though it's long distance, so all of our stuff would probably be considered "sexting." We used to do this on a daily basis, but now it's maybe once a month. Part of it is the natural progression of the relationship, but I just found out that I have a hormonal imbalance which could be affecting my sex drive among other things. I'm wondering if fixing the imbalance will bring it back up a bit. If you think that could be a possibility for you, then it's worth looking into.

Are there other things that are bothering you? If you're overly stressed or worried or don't feel emotionally secure, those things can affect your sex drive as well.

@Krissybby23

Hi, I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Your right it is very personal but I have found that it is an area not understood by many and whilst I'm terrified of sharing my experience, I feel / hope it will help you at least because I don't want you to suffer in isolation, embarrassment or riddle like I have.

My wife is going through the same as you however in our case her lack of interest has been over ten years. We are at the point where she suggested an open relationship to me which shocked me but she said she felt guilty about not wanting it, not just with me but with anyone. So I'm now torn between knowing no sex / physicality with her ever or essentially cheating. Neither option being an ideal solution and .I'm in turmoil over it. I love her and only want to be physical with her which she understands and that just makes me feel worse. I turned to inappropriate coping methods which I'm finding difficult to cut out of my life and that brings its own anxieties and problems.

However, your position is slightly different as you recognise this early and have had the communication which which we didn't have until too late and as you say you are young and therefore time is on your side as well. You already said that you want to stay with him which is great and he is understanding which is also good, sounds like you are great with each other, there is more to love than sex although I agree with previous reply that sex is important in a relationship. I'm not a qualified expert but I do understand your situation given my own experience which I'm going through. You are not alone, it is normal to feel this way. There could be a number of reasons, in my wife's case I think it started as a result of taking certain medicines for her depression and changes in her cycle from other medical procedures. I don't think there is a one stop fix as each person is different and circumstances unique to each person but I have the following potential things for you to consider; 1. Speak to your doctor, it might be a chemical imbalance or they may be able to offer emotional therapy support or provide a better insight for you based on others they have seen, 2. Couples therapy / counselling - I asked my wife to do this but she didn't want to however our situation has been long standing, 3. I don't want this to sound inappropriate, so I apologise unreservedly if you feel uncomfortable with this but have you considered self release / stimulation with / without vibrators or toys whilst looking at videos or images or role play thoughts in your mind when you're by yourself to see if there is something that can excite you and therefore kick start the desire and energy which you can use to engage with your boyfriend?. Of course it could be that you do just need time, and that's ok, don't put so much pressure on yourself, the key is commmunication and it sounds like you are doing that which is half the battle, keep being honest and open about your feelings with him and you can work it out together and find a way to deal with it that you are both happy with.

I hope I have not offended you with my reply and hope that you are able to find peace of mind and that you find a solution that works for you both. Take care and wish you all the best. 😎

@Krissybby23

Hi. I think its a pretty common issue what you are experiencing. The first thing I would do is rule out a medical concern- are you taking any medication that could be lowering your sex drive? Do you have a history of trauma? If those are no's then maybe do some reflecting on what you would like to see in your sex life- what turns you on? What would you like more of? Tell him your thoughts and feelings, which it sounds like youre doing and ask him to help you. Sometimes seeing someone like a therapist specially trained in intimacy and sex is a good way to go as they can help you explore some of these issues.

@Krissybby23 first am sorry to hear about what you're going through, and i know how difficult this might seem, but here is my thoughts, whats happening is understandable, and reasonable for some people, and it happens to me too sometimes, the lack of interest and being ( maybe ), bored of how it seems repetitive, trust and honesty is very important, to be able to discover new ways that will make you feel excited again, there is a lot a lot of things, starting from what you can do ( in sex ), to positions, talks, scenarios, and places, explore yourself, and try to discover what you love with him, he seems understanding as well, and that's a good thing, and feel free to message me if you wish, i will respond instantly if am there, if not, ASAP, i wish you the best dear