Got dumped a day before 10th anniversary
My first relationship ended 2 days ago. It was a long term, serious and first relationship I ever had. We started off at late teenage years all the way to adult. He was the one intiated the breakup although I try to stop it by making promises. He seemed to be very cold and cruel when breaking things off while throwing blames at me. Some example of words was I was the reason by throwing tantrum at random times, the way I talk bout my insecurities to him, how I am the one to be blamed for him leaving me by me spoiling a good relationship. He said I hurt him too much for him to repeatedly accept my apology and do it again. Other way is that he was not exactly a perfect guy nor I am too..Whatever conversation I bring up previously is always my issue and he never validates nor acknowledge it..It was was always led to me acting crazy and him saying I am always the crazy one..FYI he is a leo..We do have ups and downs all these years..After broke off, I did contact him twice in 2 days roll which makes matter worse. The way he belittled me, how everything is my fault and none of his, I was immature, please think what you did wrong while previously he was saying I am the one always spitting the venom to him. At this point, I do not how to manage the situation because I have never dealt with it before and I was dependent on him as well..I was trying for the No Contact rule but I failed everyday..I just do not know what to feel in fact it was more on numbness instead of sadness anymore..
Hello Velvet! I am sorry that you got treated that way! So he thinks that it is your fault for the breakup, and your feelings are not validated enough? It was a long, promising relationship, but everything fell apart. It must be hard for you.
Hi Velvet, if you need anyone to talk to Id be more than happy to talk because i’m going through a very similar situation where I was dependent on my boyfriend that broke up with me 2 days ago and am trying very hard at the No Contact rule but it is very hard.
@Velvetnightmare I am sorry it ended that does happen sadly first relationships I think rarely work out but 10 years is a long time to be with someone that's the downfall of relationships they sooner or later end. I hope you are able to heal from this over time Good luck.
Have you read about the anxious-avoidant trap? This explains why he treated you like dirt and accused you of ruining the relationship. He was kind of gaslighting you, right? Don't feel bad about breaking no contact, it is perfectly normal in the pain you are in. You need to be your best friend right now. Accept that you are devastated and he might be fine. Accept that you are the loving/kind one and you are not responsible for this break up. Give him part of the blame for rejecting you so unkindly. He's a jerk. Stay away from toxic websites about getting your ex back. No contact will help you feel better, staying in touch will hurt you every time. Think of him as a peanut - let's say that you have a peanut allergy - if you contact him, you will get hurt. Find support here when you feel desperate and weak. We hear you. You will get through this and realize how incredibly strong you are on your own.
Personally I don’t like people try their best to blame others for relationship issues. After 10 years, if you are really that terrible and you should be blames for everything and he is always a hero, why did he even tolerate this for 10 years? U know he is playing the blame game. We all know it’s hard to heal from a breakup because it’s a huge change to our routine, but somehow u have to help yourself and move forward. Because u only have this one life, and u can’t waste too much time crying and begging a guy who doesn’t love u.