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Giving breathing space

GCHJVB7978 April 7th, 2020
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I have had a fall out with my partner. This isn't the first time this has happened. We don't live together. When it has occurred in the past, where he won't talk to me, I get devastated and assume I am not going to hear from him ever again. So I continually hound him. He has said after these arguments that he just needs breathing space which I need to respect, but I can't leave him alone. I think every time that I will never hear from him ever again. Despite what he has told me about the breathing space, I always think to myself I have pushed him too far this time. So I try and reach out to him, and I make matters worse. We are going through it again, and I am back on the hounding mission. Despite everything I know about him saying if I just leave him alone he will get back in touch when ready, my brain can't seem to accept this.

If anyone has had a partner like this, or perhaps you are one of those type of people, some words of reassurance or further explanation why people react with silence would really help me right now.

Thank you

8
Alwaysaway81 May 19th, 2020
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@GCHJVB7978 I had this happen to me where we tried living together during coranvirus and she said she needed space. A couple of days later it was over and we've barely spoken since. It's very hard being left to wonder. I am the same where I cant not reach out and try to fix things.

I also recently started seeing a therapist and it is deep rooted issues from my childhood that have made me insecure and given me the overwhelming urge to fix when it can't be fixed.

DavidEss April 12th, 2020
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@GCHJVB7978

It's called co-dependency, and it's not "him reacting with silence" or you "pushing too hard" but a combination of these two things taken together.

Research it, wiki, youtube, and get back to us.

GCHJVB7978 OP April 12th, 2020
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@DavidEss

I don't know, I'll have to take some time over it. But yes I guess I did have to run the house as a child while my mother acted like a teenager. I'd never noticed that.

GCHJVB7978 OP April 12th, 2020
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@DavidEss

Since I wrote that post I have worked a lot out. I get that the fear of being left is because... I'll say 'Daddy Issues' as a vague term and leave it at that. Ok so maybe there is an element of co-dependency but it's a small piece. I have had a surprising amount of Trauma in my life, various types not the same one repeated. I will reread that later.

DavidEss April 12th, 2020
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@GCHJVB7978

I'd be interested in hearing more when you're ready

.....

GCHJVB7978 OP April 22nd, 2020
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@DavidEss

Interesting, but I know why he is the way he is. He's deep in the closet and I scare him sometimes. That's it.

DavidEss April 23rd, 2020
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@GCHJVB7978

Has your improving understanding of his issues helped you to come to terms with his behaviour?

sympatheticSkies8373 April 27th, 2020
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I have exactly the same problem. I haven't been without my boyfriend since the Corona crisis started and i am dead scared because he said he'd need a couple of nights alone. What if he decides he likes being alone better?

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