Giving breathing space
I have had a fall out with my partner. This isn't the first time this has happened. We don't live together. When it has occurred in the past, where he won't talk to me, I get devastated and assume I am not going to hear from him ever again. So I continually hound him. He has said after these arguments that he just needs breathing space which I need to respect, but I can't leave him alone. I think every time that I will never hear from him ever again. Despite what he has told me about the breathing space, I always think to myself I have pushed him too far this time. So I try and reach out to him, and I make matters worse. We are going through it again, and I am back on the hounding mission. Despite everything I know about him saying if I just leave him alone he will get back in touch when ready, my brain can't seem to accept this.
If anyone has had a partner like this, or perhaps you are one of those type of people, some words of reassurance or further explanation why people react with silence would really help me right now.
Thank you
@GCHJVB7978
It's called co-dependency, and it's not "him reacting with silence" or you "pushing too hard" but a combination of these two things taken together.
Research it, wiki, youtube, and get back to us.
@DavidEss
I don't know, I'll have to take some time over it. But yes I guess I did have to run the house as a child while my mother acted like a teenager. I'd never noticed that.
@DavidEss
Since I wrote that post I have worked a lot out. I get that the fear of being left is because... I'll say 'Daddy Issues' as a vague term and leave it at that. Ok so maybe there is an element of co-dependency but it's a small piece. I have had a surprising amount of Trauma in my life, various types not the same one repeated. I will reread that later.
@GCHJVB7978
I'd be interested in hearing more when you're ready
.....
@DavidEss
Interesting, but I know why he is the way he is. He's deep in the closet and I scare him sometimes. That's it.
@GCHJVB7978
Has your improving understanding of his issues helped you to come to terms with his behaviour?
I have exactly the same problem. I haven't been without my boyfriend since the Corona crisis started and i am dead scared because he said he'd need a couple of nights alone. What if he decides he likes being alone better?
