Dealing with heartbreak when there is seemingly no reason
Backstory- I’m 36, he’s 35, don’t want kids, met organically, connected instantly, opposite enough but compatible to a T. Everyone said to us individually how happy we were. He even told his parents, barber, anyone who would listen he finally knew what love was and wanted to marry me. We went across the country together and everything when went wrong on the trip bht it didn’t bother us. We’ve only dated since January. Officially broken up in July. My friends are sick of hearing about it. But it just doesn’t feel right to me. I’ve expressed this to him jn many ways and his response at first was you’re right what am I doing we are so happy and it’s so had to find but I stopped the messages and paragraphs, did no contact for 5 days and he just watched my stories the minute he got off work. Back to where it started to go wrong. why would a man who, at 35 said and showed me what true love was suddenly had a series of crap happen in his life and pushed me away (working nights (rotation started he will go back to days soon actually) and doubles. Lost a relative that taught him everything he knew, then another one all in the span of about a week. Since then it’s been on and off and he tries to let me in and I get glimpses of him when he’s not getting 3 hours of sleep. My breaking point was after 2 wonderful days together, him looking me in the eyes tearing up saying thank you for not giving up on me I’m trying this how I was raised I don’t know why I’m the way I am to him ignoring me on the bday in front of his family and I just had enough. I said is be there for him but he has not contacted me. I went up and got my stuff, demanded it and he didn’t want to see me but he forgot some, he could barely look me in the eye, I asked him if he still loved me or ever did and he said he will be lying if he said he didn’t. He hugged me and said take care of yourself,‘please drive safe and looked at me with the saddest eyes. That was last tuesday. I removed him as a follower but he was still watching my stories so i asked why and was left on read. He just ignored me. Finally blocked him and I feel better not obsessively checking but still empty. How could you make someone’s so happy (everyone told him) and then push someone away? I also had a shared album of things of our trip and other memories he looked at after he got out of work too but I took those links away because I have to put myself first. People think I’m crazy for not giving up hope but it’s hard when we want the same future, had so much fun and both have never been happier. Not sure what I’m looking for ❤️ but anything to either face the music or some hopeful stories. I’m realistic and I know.. I know.. and I’ve been in 6 year 5 year relationships but nothing has hurt me like this one nor make me happier. -hopeful and real🍀
@4leaf5leaf6leaf,
I feel you. I understand that it must be hard. What I don't understand is why people are dependant on others to be happy. You are your own happiness, and nobody can make you happy but you. You might think there is no reason for the breakup, but how can you know? You can't. You could ask him, and you might not get a reply, or not the reply you want to hear. So why bother? It might be that the death of those people close to him have affected him in a way onlybhe knows. You might consider reaching out and show empathy. If you already did, you might want to try again. Speak from your heart, don't speak coz there is things you want to hear. You should speak and, more importantly, listen with a still heart.
Use the time you need to mourn and cry. Use that time good, to focus on your true self, don't focus on your thoughts and emotions, as they create a story that feeds on your well-being.
In order to truly love, to feel unconditional lovem, you have to truly love your true being first.
Take care.
Men aren't mentally capable with a lot of stress, I've also learned it the hard way. He has his struggles that he doesn't want you to know because he needs to project that he is a strong person because he is a MAN. There are things that they are not capable of doing at the same time and there will come to a point that he will think he is not enough for you anymore because he cannot give back the love you have been giving him because he has a lot on his plate. He is burdened and he doesn't want to burden you with these 'burdens'. There will always be a time that he slips away just like that and thinks that his love is not enough for the both of you. I know it was a very magical feeling but a the end of the day, the only thing that you can control is yourself. The more you pull him in towards you the more he would push away, let him settle his thoughts, let him be alone for a month or two but do not expect he would come back. You need to work on yourself boo, if he comes back then it is all good but if he is not, look forward for a new beginning. Sometimes things aren't meant to be together because the best is yet to come. Be strong!