Broke up with my boyfriend today
We were together for a year. We had some major issues we tried to work out. He is actually a wonderful person. But the relationship wasn't moving along like I wanted. We didn't live close by one another so it was sort of a LDR. We would only see each other every other weekend. We chatted online every night but it lacked in quality. Also, I just needed more of him emotionally and he was often distant, as kind and as generous and affectionate as he was. He was still lacking in areas where I had unmet needs, important needs. So, I'm struggling with wondering if maybe I should have weighed the pros and cons more in favor of the relationship. He never tried to stop me though from breaking up with him. He just said a few times that I needed to be happy. So, it hurts when someone doesn't fight for you. He said it was because everything I said was right and he wasn't doing what I wanted him to do. He said I wasn't being unreasonable either. But yet, he cried. We had been through this twice before where something messed up happened, where he lied and it hurt me. We cried and I fought for the relationship to survive. I went to therapy ( he went to therapy one time on his own)and established boundaries for the relationship etc... Each time it was a fresh start but soon waned into the same old feeling of something being amiss. I didn't break up with him today because he lied though. It was just a feeling of not getting any enthusiasm from him about us. Thats what got the can of worms opened last night. However, all that said, it doesn't seem right to break up with someone when you are both crying during the process. Wonderful in so many ways but also not willing to meet certain needs of mine. Either way, I guess I"m lucky because we can still be friends. We can still be in contact. We shared so many wonderful moments together while we were together. He never raised his voice or got angry with me. He loves me even right now and said I'm a beautiful girl etc...etc...Anyway, I"m not trying to figure out why this did not work out. I just need strength to limit if not completely cut off contact with him so I can move on. I want to guard myself from thinking "oh it wasn't that bad. You should get back with him". Its easy for me to be in denial sometimes because I"m always looking at things from many angles at any given time. So, I feel relieved in a sense this finally happened. But I find myself today being overwhelmed with tears, sadness and a very deep sense of loss.
I also realized after I posted this that now I'm angry about his lying so much about his true intentions for the relationship. But its a healthy anger. Its an anger that alerted me to the fact that I was being disrespected. So, now, I'm actually feeling a lot better because I was able to express this to him as well and tell him that we cannot even be friends. How can you be friends with someone you cannot even trust the tell the truth about anything about their life or themselves.
First, I'm sorry you guys had to break up. I went through a break up recently because of distance so I know how you feel. It's great that you are guarding yourself from turning back to him which is something that can easily be done. Cut off contact with him if you think it's your best option, but a lot of times people who try this often just catch feelings again when they talk to their ex even after a period of silence. And some people even say it's not a matter of getting over someone, because they believe that just doesn't happen. It's simply getting used to living without them. Just a few things I wanted to point out for you to consider.
Hello all .. I'm new here sand not sure if I'm posting in right thread. I left my marriage after 23 years . Met someone new which I feel head over heels in love with and now 5 years into the relationship I don't feel the same way .? He actually loves me to bits but I don't feel the same way .I want out of the relationship but I don't know how to go about it.. it took best part of 20 years to end my marriage .