Breakup Milestones
I've always found it really empowering to read other people's stories about some of their successes while moving on after a breakup. I was wondering if there is anyone who would like to share a moment when they finally felt they could see the light again after what felt like grieving their loss for so long.
For me, personally, I just came out of a pretty abusive relationship with a guy who would constantly say things just to force me to think I needed him or solely to make me feel inferior. Today, after not speaking for an entire month, he emailed me saying he'd gotten his dream job and I was extremely happy for him! I do still care for him deeply despite how badly things ended and how insensitive and toxic he was. However, despite my happiness for him, it seemed that he was really only telling me it so that he could rub how "well" he was doing in my face -like he always has- and I chose to not give my power to him by responding and getting drawn into a long conversation with him that would ultimately just make me feel bad in the end, or by letting his email affect my day. I've carried on with my day and I feel stronger with the knowledge that I am no longer letting him control me.
Anyone else have a moment of strength that you'd like to share? (:
I don't have a specific story to share. Just wanted to mention that it sounds like you've got a good attitude, and healthy perspective on this. Harbouring ill will over an Ex, doesn't help in moving on. It's best to let go, and focus on oneself (after a breakup)
@ChromeLotus Thank you! I completely agree. I've found that negativity and focusing too much energy on failures just further postpones healing, so it's always nice to think about the ways in which we've improved since bad experiences :)
For me it is so far my first week after the break up. It has been really hard i miss him and he broke up with me out of the sudden..but I have to admit I feel I have accomplished so far what I needed to start letting go. Of course I still cry once a day at least but I promised myself I wasn't going to let this break up ruining my sleep ( it was a tough decision since I get to do a lot of over thinking and have anxiety attacks) so I promised myself to work out every night until my body is exhausted until I have cried all my pain sweating. So far I have slept amazing. That only fact has given me a sweet small victory every morning. So the satisfaction lasts at least an hour. After that I can feel how I start struggling with my emotions and the fact that I don't have a job right and that I have to keep myself busy. So far is one day at a time. It feels forever. There are too many things that hurt right now and I do admit I feel lost and scared... I just hope for now to be able to have a good night tonight and not falling apart with anxiety and this lonely feeling. I'm just praying right now to get a job soon so I can focus on myself. Fingers crossed. Thank you for sharing your story. This is mine so far
@Lolie
It's been some time since you replied to this post, and I know things may have changed since then, but I want to say I'm so proud of you and I hope your progress is continuing! The first week can be the hardest, but it sounds like you used it productively and are off to a good start (even if it doesn't feel that way). You have dedicated time to finding ways to make yourself feel better after the breakup and that is so important and beautiful. I hope all is well with you and you're still listening to your own needs by being good to your body and heart.
@Lolie you are so strong. Keep it up!
Recent breakup, going on two months now. I notable milestone I woul dhave to say was when I had the first flashback/thought/memory that came and went without leaving me broken. It was more of a sense of aknowlegdment than sadness of greif. I felt that I was really accepting what had been as part of my life and more importantly not thinking about all the what-ifs. Sure there has been bouncing back and forth between but I hope eventually they can all be like that that I can accept that this isn't the end but part of the process.
@brightKite3231
Yes! It's so funny how small this may seem, but the peace of mind that comes with the first moment of not feeling defeated when you think of that person is so powerful. I can relate and I'm happy to hear this!
@starrydevany
Wow, I am very proud of you :) Thank you for sharing your story, I really relate to it! I was with my ex for about 2 years, and it was a very toxic and unhealthy relationship. He was manipulative, emotionally abusive and would lie to me even after he promised not to. It wasn't easy and I stayed because it was my first serious relationship and I guess I felt like I could change him (very naive I know). Anyways, long story short, I managed to gain courage one day to end the relationship. He was furious and would threaten me and so on; it was the hardest thing I have ever done. About 2 years later, he contacted me and was rubbing in my face as well about how great he is doing now, and how he is a changed person... I didn't think that he was worth my time so chose not to respond him too. Later, I blocked him as he would continue to message me on facebook to meet up. To be honest, I don't think I have completely forgiven him and sometimes the past would still haunt me, but overall, I am glad that I managed to eventually find my own voice to stand up against him. It was a very vulnerable experience, but one in which I learnt a lot about myself and the world :)
@2cupsofteaa
Our stories do sound very similar! Hearing you talk about this is very inspiring and I hope to have the same strength in two years that you have. Being in an abusive situation definitely forces you to learn a lot and I'm glad you applied the lessons you learned. You are worth much more than that and you have the strength within you to stand up for yourself. Thank you so much for sharing!
@starrydevany
I am sure that you have the strength right now! Thank you for your kind and encouraging words :) It is greatly appreciated for sure! Go us for standing up for ourselves ;)
Hi, thanks for sharing. Yes. I have had many moments of strength. I sleep well most nights. I enjoy many days of quiet.
Valentine's day was my best example. I had a party for a friend! Made me feel great.
Best.......
@loyalDay5445
It makes me so happy to hear this! We often take things like sleep, quiet, and spending time with friends for granted, but they can sometimes be the best ways to heal. I wish you the best and many more moments like this! Thank you for sharing your story. :)
@starrydevany I dont have a specific moment, but I would like to say that you handled your self in a very calming and natural way. The way you take care of yourself and your emtotions are what keeps us sane. You responded in a positive way, instead of giving into the way you could have reacted to his email <3 This can be really encouraging for anyone going through a past breakup. Thank you for sharing :)
@gentleDreamer76 Thank you so much! You just put a huge smile on my face. (:
@starrydevany Im glad I made you smile 😊.
@gentleDreamer76
Thank you. I am honored to have a house guest at this time. One of the things she said to me was that her last relationship was not a peaceful one. I think she said it best. If we are not at peace with this relationship, then something is not exactly right.
I was not at peace with my relationship even though I remained in it for a while.
So I will not look for peace in a relationship. It will be one of my criteria for sure! :-)
Best.......
@loyalDay5445
Error....I will "now" look for peace in my relationships.....this is what I have learned.....
@starrydevany I also left a relationship with an abusive partner almost a year ago. not thoroughly impressed with my progress, I feel like I am still damaged goods and unable to open up to anyone, but I am a lot happier alone than I ever was with him. Just dealing with the isolation now by focusing on me and what I enjoy doing. xo