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starryoctobersky
1,745 M Hopeful Heart
PathStep 106 Compassion hearts46 Forum posts59 Forum upvotes69 Current upvotes69 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2020 Member sinceAugust 21, 2016
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Breakup Milestones
Relationship Stress / by starryoctobersky
Last post
 February 28th, 2017
...See more I've always found it really empowering to read other people's stories about some of their successes while moving on after a breakup. I was wondering if there is anyone who would like to share a moment when they finally felt they could see the light again after what felt like grieving their loss for so long. For me, personally, I just came out of a pretty abusive relationship with a guy who would constantly say things just to force me to think I needed him or solely to make me feel inferior. Today, after not speaking for an entire month, he emailed me saying he'd gotten his dream job and I was extremely happy for him! I do still care for him deeply despite how badly things ended and how insensitive and toxic he was. However, despite my happiness for him, it seemed that he was really only telling me it so that he could rub how "well" he was doing in my face -like he always has- and I chose to not give my power to him by responding and getting drawn into a long conversation with him that would ultimately just make me feel bad in the end, or by letting his email affect my day. I've carried on with my day and I feel stronger with the knowledge that I am no longer letting him control me. Anyone else have a moment of strength that you'd like to share? (:
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Ex Moved on Within a Week. In desperate need of help. ):
Relationship Stress / by starryoctobersky
Last post
 January 31st, 2017
...See more My ex, who was the love of my life but had also been extremely abusive, moved on to someone else not even 24 hours after our breakup. I don't believe it is a rebound. He is not the kind to have a rebound. He just genuinely falls in love very, very fast. After not speaking for a week, I finally responded to his messages and we talked about how well his life has been going in the past week... Eventually he joked about a girl and it turns out they have been seeing each other since the night after he and I broke up. Apparenty he had asked her and a couple of friends to go to a show he was helping with. He'd invited me, but then told me I couldn't go because his mom would be there and she hates me. I didn't care, and if he'd have let me, I would have gone even if she was there. I knew it was important to him. This girl was the only one who came to the show though. Afterwards she met his mom and he thanked her by hanging out with her at the very same place we had our first date. Mind you, this was ONE NIGHT after our break up. They hit it off and have been talking and going on dates ever since. Parts of me are so happy for him because our two years together were less than perfect and the new girl is beautiful and kind. Everything seems to be falling in place for them perfectly, but I am personally dealing with a lot of anger and pain that I just want to get past. He was my best friend and we genuinely loved each other, but he was very abusive to me during our 2 year relationship and those bad memories are what I used to get through the week after our breakup. I was in so much pain, but remembering how much he lied, cheated, physically hurt me, and broke my trust, really helped me cope and realize I needed to move on. But for some reason, him telling me that he is with someone who makes him happy and that he wants to actually take things slow with her, really made me annoyed, angry, jealous, and has left me in so much pain. I was doing fine until he told me this. I feel what he is doing with this girl (who came out of an abusive relationship 6 months ago) in addition to telling me and knowingly doing this so soon is entirely insensitive and disgusting. He sent me a text several days after our breakup saying "I'm sorry. I just don't want to love or be loved by anyone right now." I didn't respond, but in my heart, I called BS and I knew he would move on quickly, but not literally the day after... I didn't even have time to heal properly and I have no idea how he could have or how he can disrespect our two years together by jumping into a new relationship this soon. He wants to remain friends, and I would like to do that too. Although our relationship was horrible, I do believe we make great friends and our breakup was clean this time (That's how I knew it was the end. Every other time we'd broken up, it was messy but we always came back because we missed the passion and needed closure. This time we got the closure and the passion in the relationsip died a while ago so there was nothing to come back to).Originally, we agreed to not talk for a while and gradually introduce each other back into our lives as friends. Now for some reason, he's changed his mind and expects me to still be the best friend I was to him while we were together and he's angry and doesn't seem to understand how I can't do that. I can't sit and watch as he asks for advice about how to be successful with his new relationship when I'm still grieving over the failure of our relationship. I just want to move past this while still being able to have closure with him. I need all of the advice I can get because none of my friends think I have the right to be upset about this and are fed up because they think I should have just cut him off a long time ago.
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