5yrs, left without a word
Where to begin... Girlfriend and I had been together for about 5yrs. Due to living situations and covid messing everything up, we hadn't been spending a lot of time together, but would every moment we could and spoke every night about everything. December came around and some thing seemed off, but it's normal as her and Christmas isn't a good thing after her dad passed a couple years back right after new years. We still spoke, messaged, and things felt right. We were talking about the future, about where we wanted to be. I had gone through the process from about mid November and finally was able to buy a new house after trying all year, had it all setup to give her the key on a necklace for Christmas or new years depending on when I saw her (she had family and I had family and couldn't be together Christmas eve/day). We talked on the 26th of December and things seemed fine. I didn't hear from her again after that. She would read messages sent, but wouldn't reply, she wouldn't answer phone calls, could never finder her at her place and didn't want to bother her at work. After about 3 weeks of this I came to terms that I wasn't going to see her again. About 2 weeks later I saw she changed her profile photo and saw someone I didn't recognize liking it, made the mistake of clicking on their profile and there the two of them were, all in love and doing tiktok videos together. I can't begin to describe how much it took out of me seeing that. I wish it ended there, but it actually gets a lot worse. I was packing up with the kids as we are moving at the end of the week, and came across something of hers that I didn't want and thought she wanted back so I sent a text, and she replied. After a few back and forths, I couldn't hold back asking why she didn't just say something. I got a reply back saying she did send me a message, a message that never went through as she was having issues with her phone which I still can't believe. After thinking about it for moment though, her phone was having those issues a week or so before she stopped talking to me, when we were still talking about everything, where she was still saying she loved me. I made a stupid mistake of looking up this other person's account again. There were videos of the two of them weeks before she had ended it with me. And to make matters worse, her account was showing them flirting for months before that. I was being strung along like everything was fine while she was actively looking for someone else. I'm so lost, so confused, so broken down. Haven't been able to sleep for days now even after taking sleep meds. Haven't been able to eat and when I do it's very little. And now I'm moving into a new home, I should be thrilled and excited as it's a home we've been dreaming about all year, a home that was meant to have her with me and I don't want to even look at it. My kids are so excited and overflowing with joy, and I can't do anything to get myself to move my body let alone continue to pack and actually move out and on. How do you move forward when you were so worthless that someone you were deeply in love, who you thought for certain was the one, couldn't even even tell you it was over until after they had moved on and were happy with someone else? And even then had to be asked why in order to tell you.... I'm incredibly lost right now
It hurts me to read this, because I know exactly how this feels. Except I’m a girl, and my ex boyfriend did the same thing to me. Strung me along, until the end. And I didn’t find out until after it ended. It’s a horrible feeling but you didn’t deserve to be treated that way; says a lot about her character and you deserve someone who cares about your feelings
It's so much worse than just ending it and then moving on. It would have been one thing had she said something. Even as simple as a this isn't working... Or an actual call or some other form of communication than a message on an ap that you had issues with... Would it have been painful and hurt, absolutely, I didn't get any closure for a month she was just gone and when I finally did it was 100x worse than any other breakup I've been through, even my divorce from my kids mom doesn't top this and we were together for close to 10 years. And so much worse knowing how far back it went all while we were still being us. I've lost so much faith in everything and everyone. I want to reach out to the person she's with and see if they even knew but that wont help anything but make me sound petty and immature. Even after the pain subsides though, I don't know how I'm going to be able to trust someone the same way or believe in someone the same way without putting up so many walls and driving them away. It's not fair
Some people are just selfish. And it hurts me to think there are people like that in the world doing the things they do. But I believe there are good people out there too
Vash I see your incredible suffering. I've been there- your heart is broken. And she dodged instead of facing you and telling you. Omg I'm so sorry. It's extremely painful when your in love , its not something you just shut off like a light. It takes a long time to move past. That kind of pain is awful. Thankfully you do have kids and the house to keep you moving . I really see your grief. This is a huge loss. The grief process is tough and has 5 stages I think. I have dealt with incredible grief in the last few years. The list is very long, bad stuff I won't mention. But after some time I started a forgiveness journal. I wrote In detail specific things ppl did me wrong. I forgive____for_____ and for______. I read and re read this journal many times before I started feeling better. It doesn't excuse what they did but it helped me move past it for my own healing. Remember you still have alot to give / share with someone in the future when your ready. You have a sensitive heart , Just hang in there. Take good care of yourself with self-care type things. You can do this. I believe in you.
I tried doing what I did when I was going through my divorce. Writing a letter and burning it, releasing everything into the universe and that helped me an insane amount then in order to let go and calm myself. Still hurt but it relieved some of the things plaguing me then.... It didn't do much of anything this time around though. I'm not sure how well a journal will work here, I don't want to keep reliving everything and writing it down is going to be nothing but just that. I also don't think I can ever forgive her, not for this. Not any time soon for certain.
My ex cheated on me,then his gf cheated on me,he then asked forgiveness,I forgave,I bore his emotional burden,his depression,after 2 yrs he has moved on with another girl,he is soon getting married,the closure he gave that he has moved on and happy,and he doesn't need me,6 yrs ,and this is the outcome,I can't really explain what I am going through right now,how can ppl hurt another person like this,I cant imagine doing this to anyone
His gf cheated on him
Hi @vash151,
you are going through real pain. I can imagine how you feel in this situation and it is totally natural. I went through a difficult breakup and made it out eventually. There were things that helped me. At this point, I don't think it's possible to think about forgiveness, nor is it necessary. Be there for your kids as best as you can and know that the emotions you are experiencing now are absolutely normal. If you like, write to me. Even if it's just about venting your emotions or maybe to help you through it. I wish you a lot of strength.
