For a Slash Ship (First Person; OOC)

@Nightfrost

You just wrote word by word a deep friendship I had. Reading it made me confuse I almost thought it was him who wrote and is behind your profile.

My friend had bpd, I was his favorite person he was very intense I totally accepted him like he was. We mutualy brought a lot to each other, our friendship had a profound influence and impacted our well-being. He had all my love, my support but like in your story, I been hurt...

I'm the one who left I had to.. 

I know he didn't forget me, disapearing from his life probably hurted him very much.. The best thing I can do is to never come back, we need and should move on in our life.

Since the beginning we met I always wished him to be happy and healthy I hope from the bottom of my heart he is.

You write beautifuly Nightfrost, it's crazy how your story stick exactly to what we experienced my friend and I 🌻

At first, two tiny passages occurred to me when I was thinking about my favorite slash ship.

I am thought of by the world as powerful and widely loving as a god. I am carried to the shrine from which I am unable to descend to hold the hand of you, my best friend considered a demon. However, I am not really a god and you are not really a demon. It was just that we walked to the light and you parted with me to take an extreme way.

Sorry, you are hurting our shared dream in the past, so I can't spare you. Both you and I can sacrifice anything for our dreams, which makes us the best-matched pair. Your dream is shattered, while my dream is inhabited by dark injuries. You are too impatient, while I am too naive, but both of us have good intentions.

But more words flew into my mind later and my writing came into being gradually.

(I revised a few contents and here is the latest version.)

We have surpassed the bounds with which we can be understood by the world. You used to try to get along with the world but it let you down. I am getting along well with the world, but except you, no one can comprehend my mind.

Why are others oblivious of how nice you are? How can I eradicate their prejudice against you? Do preconceptions and misunderstandings always exist?

What do you think of me? As the only and best opponent against whom you enjoy competing? As the only person deserving your hearty recognition? As your best friend who was but isn't able to understand you? As a disappointing friend who can't keep pace with you in mentality and concept?

Without you, I would not have figured out such a way to peace. Why do you give it up?

I am left behind. I am abandoned. There is nothing to keep you with me anymore. If only I could return to the time when we understood each other and shared the same dream.

How lonely and determined you are when you depart, leaving me at a loss, although you used to treasure our friendship so much.

You are so sensitive and observant that you can see something I neglect, and thus I need your help. The days without you are intolerable.

Isn't this our shared dream in the past? Isn't this what we wanted? Sorry for not sparing you, but you are hurting it and I am responsible for guarding it. If only you could like it as much as I do. Why must our story end up so?

Since you always responded to my false depression, could you please come back to respond to my true one, too?

My dream, which was once ours, is the most important and you are the second most important, and I had to sacrifice the second most important for the most important, but then I felt my dream was incomplete without you. The memories of making efforts to realize this dream with you recurred in my mind, and your sincere smile, when it came true, was the most beautiful thing. My tears ran down with the rain which was falling on my face.

I am having dreams about that rainy day again and again, in which you plop to the ground covered with water, and I fall to my knees, with your last words lingering in my ears. Have both of us gone to extremes? I refuse any cure and try nothing to heal myself, letting my gloom and despondency gradually consume me. What is the most important? Is there a better way? How can I include you in my future?

The gloomy rain is the end of our story and I have to finish the last part of my life without you. Since when have I been no longer able to understand you? Why can I no longer keep pace with you? Why do I fail to hold onto you even when I try my best? Although there are many people around me, there is no one to empathize or resonate with me anymore.

When I started to think about romance, something unfamiliar pushed into a forgotten corner by troublesome public affairs, scenes from our shared stories suddenly resurfaced in my mind, evoking a piercing pain inside me. You were my precious romance I failed to realize in time and retain.

I am thought of by the world as powerful and widely loving as a god. I am carried to the shrine from which I am unable to descend to hold the hand of you, my best friend considered a demon. However, I am not really a god and you are not really a demon. It was just that we walked to the light and you parted with me to take an extreme way. You are not to seriously blame.

It is great excitement to meet and compete as opponents again.

Although you become the enemy of the world, I always believe that you have kindness and gentleness inside and that you aren't wrong.

It must be a tough endeavor to endure those lonesome and arduous years for your purpose, reminding me of your solitary and determined figure when you left.

Both you and I can sacrifice anything for our dreams, which makes us the best-matched pair. Your dream is shattered, while my dream is inhabited by dark injuries. You are too impatient, while I am too naive, but both of us have good intentions.

I grew so attached to you and emotionally dependent on you before I recognized my affection for you that I tried to confine you with our shared dream in the past, but I actually confined myself instead, causing myself not to empathize with you anymore. Fortunately, there was an understanding conversation to bridge the gap between our minds before we went to the afterworld together.

You are not evil. You seek to make the world a better place where people can enjoy a peaceful and happy life, just as I do. You try to rely on yourself to achieve the purpose more quickly and directly, while I depend on the later generations, who inherit my dream, to correct mistakes gradually and find the right way to achieve it.

I believe the world will heal and improve itself, which will take generations of people's wisdom. The process won't be completed by only one or a few. It is time for us to say goodbye to the world.

I lost you, my favorite, dearest, nicest, and most important person long ago before I eventually retrieved you and could stay with you as intimate friends again and forever.