Book Reading/Discussion: House Rules

@ReadBooks7. I liked Emma but that was one thing that did annoy me about her that she basically ignored her other son. I hold Emma accountable for her treatment of Theo. It seemed to me that while she provided a roof over his head he was basically on his own. She provided no supervision or support to her teenage son.

@adventurousBranch3786 I agree. While I can only imagine how hard it is to be in Enna's shoes, having one child with a disability doesn't mean that you get to ignore the other one. Of course Jacob's needs were going to have to come first a lot of the time, but she should have made way more of an effort with Theo. Theo got forgotten too often. And while I know that routine is supremely important to Jacob, I think that Emma could have possibly taken another tactic to make more room for Theo's needs. I admittedly have very little experience with the circumstances this family dealt with, but with as independent (in some ways) and bright as Jacob was, I think he could have worked with adjusting some things a bit to include Theo's needs more. Jess working with him on social skills helped, so why couldn't the same be applied with regard to the family? This is not to say at all that it was Jacob's responsibility, or that he could control or make major behavioral changes, only that I think Emma should have taken more initiative to make sure both of her sons got the attention they deserve. That being said, I think that Emma was, for the most part, doing the best she could a lot of the time. A lot was placed on her shoulders, and she was abandoned and left on her own to deal with everything. Not an easy situation. But Theo suffered way too much. It is not his fault and not fair.

@ReadBooks7 this is also a really good question! I held her accountable but I didn't judge her. This books shows how hard it is for a parent to share the attention between kids, if one of them has special needs. Let alone a single parent. Theo was for sure getting way less attentions than Jacob and that was something Emma should've probably worked on. But a single mother, with no caregiving help, has a big challenge that makes you understand how difficult it is to manage time and resources in a situation like that, especially when "the village" (society) is uninformed and doesn't help or accommodate the child's needs.

@glowingPond these are all great points, especially considering the lack of help from and the ignorance of people/society in general. They certainly do not make it any easier. I think you put it in the best way possible. I also feel like she is accountable, but do not really judge her, because I think she was doing the best she could and probably a lot better than most.

That’s right!! I feel society is quick to point fingers but not so much to help or learn about the unknown unfortunately, so families that have a special need member struggle with acceptance and resources!

@glowingPond this is all so true ❤️My hope is that this book and books like it will help to inform.

Next discussion question, also from the guide at the back of the book (minor spoiler alert):

"'It's wrong, I know that. But all the same, I go inside.' Discuss Theo's hobby of breaking into and stealing from other people's houses. What are his reasons for doing so, and what does he gain from these experiences--other than a few cups of tea and a video game he can't use?"

Also, please feel free to post any questions you might have for discussion! Please post a spoiler alert if the question will allude to or give away the ending or a major plot development. Thank you!

@ReadBooks7. I think he said something about wanting to feel what it was like to be in a normal home. Perhaps he was acting out in order to get some attention. He will surely get more attention after all that happened!

@adventurousBranch3786 I agree, I think he did it for both reasons. He surely will be getting lots of attention now, and hopefully it will be helpful and nurturing 💚

@ReadBooks7. I saw a list of questions for this book in the computer. Is it alright to use some of those?

@adventurousBranch3786 sure, please do! Thank you 🙂

Here’s a discussion question that I saw in an internet list😊.

Emma’s been a single mom for about 15 years. She doesn’t appreciate her ex-husband showing up. Would you? How does she change later?

@adventurousBranch3786 great question! I think that if I were Emma, I would probably really resent the fact that he decided to show up after so many years of such little contact. While it is good that he at least provides financial support (a legal requirement and the right thing to do regardless), I think it is absolutely awful and inexcusable that he left the family. Divorce is one thing, but complete abandonment of one's children is another. I am trying to remember how she changes her view in the book; if I remember correctly, she comes to somewhat appreciate his effort after her initial upset. I think that I would probably have a similar softening and try to be appreciative and help open the door for future contact for the boys' sake. However, any anger or resentment that Emma has is completely justified in my opinion.

@ReadBooks7. I think her initial response is understandable also. It’s good that he had been sending financial support but he could have done much more to be involved in his sons live. She does seem to soften up later on. I believe she said he could stay at the house during the visit.

@adventurousBranch3786 yes, that's correct, I remember now. I think they both handled it well and maturely, given the circumstances, in order to achieve the best possible outcome. It must have been so hurtful to Emma and Theo to interact with and know all about his other family, especially Theo.

Here’s another question. @ReadBooks7. @glowingPond

Is it fair of Oliver to take on Jacob’s case considering his inexperience? (I believe that he pretended to Emma that he was experienced). Does he prove himself to be a good lawyer? How might he have done things differently?

@adventurousBranch3786 excellent question! I actually wondered about this when he first took the case. I think it is a gray area. He needs the business and wants to help, and everyone has to start somewhere. I think it only would have been problematic if he had realized that he could not handle the case and then did not refer the case or acquire additional, or expert, help. He could have hired co-counsel, for example, if necessary (although I suppose finances might have been an issue, until her ex paid). I think that he did everything that he was required to do, and he did make some calls and gather information when he needed to, so I think that he provided good and competent counsel. He accomplished getting Jacob the accommodations that he needed, which I think is a pretty big deal. Overall, I think that his decision was the right one, assuming that he would have asked for help if he felt he needed it.

@ReadBooks7. I guess due to her financial situation she couldn’t afford to look for a “top lawyer”. He did make calls and get the information that was needed as well as getting accommodations for Jacob like you said. He did do a pretty good job for a first case.

@adventurousBranch3786 I think he did, too. He is a quick learner.

Another question from the book:

"After seeing Jacob's rainbow quilt on the news, Emma describes herself as feeling 'caught between what you want and what you should do.' Ultimately, she decides to call Detective Matson and bring Jacob down to the police station. Do you think Emma does the right thing? What do you think she is trying to accomplish by doing so?"

@ReadBooks7. I guess it would have been better for her to have asked Jacob what happened or consulted a lawyer first.

I guess in the back of her mind she was worried about what he was capable of.

@adventurousBranch3786 those are really good points. It actually did not even occur to me that she should ask first or find a lawyer first. I think the book did such a good job of describing her mindset and her shock that I was sort of right where she was mentally: I think she was scared and, like you said, wondering what Jacob could be capable of doing, and I think she also felt an immediate responsibility to do the right thing. I think that she really did not think it through, but part of that was because she was afraid to upset Jacob by asking him anything. This is definitely a complicated situation. If Jacob did not have ASD, then maybe she could have asked him first and not run the risk of him having too much stress and/or shutting down. I think she trusted the detective and did not even think about a lawyer, because why would she? I do not think most people think about, what would I do if I had a family member accused of something illegal/horrible? I think she was caught so off guard and was so worried about Jacob, and coupled with her feeling that she had to do the right thing, things just were immediately jumbled, but I do not fault her for that. In a perfect world, sure, she would have consulted a lawyer first, but this was a highly complicated situation.

Another question from the book:

"Henry plays a significant role in the novel, even if he didn't play a significant role in Jacob and Theo's lives prior...Yet despite this importance, the author does not grant him an opportunity to narrate a single chapter from his point of view. Why do you think this is?"

@ReadBooks7. That would have been interesting to hear his point of view. I’m not sure why his point of view wasn’t included. The only thing that I can think of is that he ddin’t have too much of a role until later on in the novel.

@adventurousBranch3786 I hadn't thought about it before, but I would love to hear his perspective. As far as him being left out, I think it might be because the writer is making a point that he doesn't deserve to be given the space to provide his perspective since he abandoned his family.

@ReadBooks7. Happy July 4th to those who celebrate!

Jaco says, “Why would I want to be friends with kids who are nasty to people like me anyway?”

What do you think about this quote?

What does it tell us about Jacob?

@adventurousBranch3786 thank you!! Happy 4th!!!

I think this quote says a lot about Jacob's character. He has a good perspective on people and understands that it is not right to treat people with disrespect or cruelty. He has a clear and direct view--why bother being friends with people who would treat a person so badly? Jacob, to me, has a sound moral code with regard to how to treat people.

@ReadBooks7 I do like this way of thinking. Many times when people are treated cruelly for being different they feel badly about themselves. I like the idea of not wanting to be friends with people that would treat so that way.

@adventurousBranch3786 so true. It seems that Jacob has an ability to reason and rationalize instead of turning it inward on himself, and I think that is admirable. It is hard not to feel bad when people are cruel and hurtful, but looking at it from the same perspective as Jacob is definitely helpful.

@ReadBooks7

Oh I’ve never heard of this book! Mind to tell me more about it? Maybe I’ll read it once I have more time 😁

@svobodovaa hi! The book is written by author Jodi Picoult, who is my favorite fiction writer (tied with John Grisham). She usually writes from the perspective of several characters and looks at all sides of a topic or issue. This book discusses an alleged crime that has been committed and what happens when a person with ASD is accused of the crime. The author gives great perspective on the challenges that face people who have differences from those who are considered to be neurotypical and those who love and support them.

A few of us have completed the book and are discussing, but please feel free to read and join in the discussion if you like! Everyone is welcome!

@ReadBooks7

Thank you so much for telling me about the book! Sounds interesting, so I’m probably going to read it as soon as I can. I’ll join the discussion once I finish the book! Thanks again for telling me! ♥️🫂

@svobodovaa you are so welcome! I hope you enjoy! We are posting questions but taking care to add spoiler alerts or altogether avoid discussing the ending. I am sure we will discuss it eventually, but I will make sure it has a spoiler alert first 😊

Another question from the back of the book:

"...The delicate balance between right and wrong is a balance Jodi Picoult often explores in her novels. Detective Matson may be the perfect example. Take a look at some of his actions throughout the novel. Can any of them be considered absolutely right or absolutely wrong? Or do they all fall into the gray area in between?...Is he a 'good cop' or a 'bad cop'?"

@ReadBooks7 I suppose it’s a grey area that detectives can lie or trick you during an interrogation. Sometimes it helps them to catch criminals but I have seen cases of coerced confessions also. To me Detective Mason is an average cop.

@adventurousBranch3786 I agree that it is a lot of gray. There is no easy answer here, in my opinion. I cannot stand it when police cross the line and do things like coerced confessions, and I am not sure how I feel about police being able to employ questionable but legal tactics (such as lying to a suspect), but if it helps to catch an actual murderer, then I have less of a problem with it. I guess it largely depends on the situation. I think Matson is an okay guy. I actually do not think he did anything that terrible, but I do think he should have been more accommodating of Jacob's ASD. However, I blame the police department as a whole for that. Training should be provided in assisting people who have mental illnesses, disabilities, and things such as ASD that require more assistance and understanding.

Spoiler Alert: This discussion might lead to discussion of the ending.

Another discussion question from the book: "The final case study in the book...My Brother's Keeper...outlines the events that occurred in the course of the novel. It ends with a single line: 'I'd do it all over again.' Does this line reveal anything new about Jacob? Does it change your feelings toward him in any way?"

@ReadBooks7. I think he takes protecting his younger brother seriously . He is willing to do so even if he puts himself at risk. To me it’s a noble quality.

@adventurousBranch3786 I agree. I know that Jacob has a different way of looking at things and the world in general and struggles to communicate, and I know that the entire situation was extremely upsetting to him, to say the least. But it says a lot that he would be willing to do it all again, because I think the main point here is that he was doing it to take care of his brother, which is kind and noble for sure.

I know that of course he made some questionable and bad decisions, but I do not think he was thinking of anything other than how to protect his brother.

@ReadBooks7 I think so too. His decisions weren’t the best but it came from a good place.