15th March: True Confessions Day!

I'm a dysfunctional young adult, and the 'young' portion is arguable.

For six years now I've been struggling with college, and in this period, up to today, I am no better than I was out of high school. I'm a stuck human being. Worst of all, within the six years of being a failing/dropout/academically-suspended student, I have lied to my parents about school on various occasions. They always find out, I always feel worse for having done so, on top of the self-dislike. Between school and the dishonesty about it, I know the dishonesty hits me and my parents like a tank.

Being a dysfunctional adult hurts, but being dishonest with my parents hurts more; I'm bringing them down as much as I'm doing it to myself. I feel terrible for them, I'm sorry. #Honestly

Honestly, when I say I'm fine, I mean I'm broken, hurt, torn, depressed, hopeless and weak.

I'm new to here but signed up because sometimes I just need to talk to someone and don't want to burden my husband with it. #honesty #confession #true confessions

Hello! I had a recent conversation with an Ex of mine with whom I had spent nearly two years convincing myself I was better off without and never wanted back. He told me there was no chance for us because he has found love and is now willing to commit to his new roommate. He never wanted to try with me.This hurt for sure but while I was with him he was sleeping with another roommate of his and it makes me feel worthless and I cant seem to shake it. I am afraid to tell the people in my life this because I have been so adamant about him not bothering me that I feel stupid now and I am beginning to realize that my friends dont really care. I am jealous he is moving on and I feel like my hurt is laughable not just to him but to the people I once leaned on for comfort. People have called me a lone wolf before and I am scared maybe I will end up alone.

😛

I might as well face it, I'm addicted to love! But seriously, one major reason for my depression is that love and relationships have always been a problem, and I'm afraid that I will always be in an unhealthy relationship.

So, I'm supposed to confess? Well, this could take awhile...

1.) Last year, I was really depressed/suicidal, so I told a teacher, who told a counselor, who told my parents. Then I kinda freaked out. I ended up lying and saying my teacher misinterpreted something I said and they I was fine. I never got the help I needed.

2.) I think I might have a problem with anxiety. I hate standing up for myself, confrontations, being in public without a friend or someone familiar, and the dark. I also get really nervous and paranoid when I try to sleep at night, and overthink and worry all day every day.

3.) I pick at my skin. A lot. I mostly pick at acne at my arms, and I've fine it for years, but now there are big, ugly, red scars all over my shoulders and upper arms. It's gross but I can't stop.

I'm scared there's nothing actually wrong with me and I'm just acting for attention

The only two times I have entered a relationship, I have done so because the significant other in question had explicitly told me of their feelings (I don't really catch on to these things). Both times, I did not actually like the person in that way, but they were both suicidal and without proper emotional support, so I feared that if anything were to happen after a potential rejection it would plainly be my fault. The guilt over these relationships led to the worsening of depressive feelings that I had not previously recognized, and I began self-injury. Presently, I have a crush on someone, but fear that if I were to reveal my feelings, they would be placed into the same situation that I was, with a feeling of moral obligation but not of love.

Hmmm, confession...well. Here it goes.

Everyone sees me as the happy girl at school. The cheerful one who is always trying to make everyone else happy. I only wish I could actually be that person. I've been really depressed for a few months now, and recently, I knew it was getting bad, when I started cutting myself. But I realized that there's nothing I love more than the feeling of true happiness.

And now Here I am, fighting for my happiness. Fighting myself to be happy. Here I am, resisting the urge to cut, or to let myself be consumed by the pain. Here I am, standing tall, because I know that I deserve to be happy, as do you.

:D