What do you dream of?

[TW- suicidal thoughts]

'What do you dream of?'

They asked that simply,

a simple sentence,

to start a conversation.

I stared at them,

in complete silence.

Dream? Job?

I don't want any of that.

I don't want to grow up.

I don't want to reach adulthood.

I don't want to get old.

I don't want to live.

I

am

selfish.

There are many things I want to do.

Graduating.

Meeting new people.

Achieving goals.

But what comes after that?

What would become of me?

If I live just to achieve,

would I die just to fail?

If someone,

something, anything,

is to kill me now,

Perhaps, I would not care.

I have everything I want,

everything within my reach.

But I don't want to reach,

I don't want to get what I want.

I am tired,

I know I'm selfish,

I'm not supposed to want this,

but just please,

I want an end.