I don’t know what to call this… TWs included

I don’t usually share my poems outside a few people I know so here goes nothing I guess. Please, if you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself. 

TWs - self harm, eating disorders, abuse. I think that’s it. 

People say they care

People say you can trust them 

People say they won’t leave 

Is that really true?

Ask me that a year ago

The answer is definitely nope

Ask me that 6 months ago

Maybe the answer was yep

Ask me now 

The answer is probably nope

So what’s changed you may ask

Things have never been easy

Never been simple 

Growing up, home wasn’t ideal

Shouting, swearing, physically hurting

Threats and just the emotional toll of it all

That was my life for years 

Then it stopped, relief 

But in reality, more of a pause

A year later, everything came back 

I still am in this situation

That’s enough to deal with, right?

Nope apparently not 

People come along 

“Friends”, who knows really 

Start sharing things 

Start trusting them 

Start to look forward to talking 

All comes crashing back down 

Leaving one way or another 

Left alone again

Numb, scared, stuck 

Turning to the one thing I know 

Masking the pain I’m in

One way or another 

Restricting food intake or self harming

Neither great but needing a way out

A means of control

Not knowing another way

Feeling guilty 

On top of the original feelings as well

And so the cycle repeats 

Over and over 

Finding this site was meant to be helpful

Someone to talk to at least

A way out of this cycle

How wrong could I be

Listeners here are rarely helpful and supportive

Any that are always end up leaving too

Or just giving up on you

Things are meant to be fixed apparently

Progress is meant to be made 

But what progress can be made

When you are still stuck how you are 

I don’t even know why I’m sharing this

I guess from a little hope I still have

But maybe I shouldn’t be on this site 

Good listeners are hard to come by for long

And I can’t keep trusting new people