Module 4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: (Discussion #2) Interpersonal Rights
DBTuesday is a series of posts where we explore skills and concepts from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
This is one of several posts focusing on interpersonal effectiveness, which is the fourth module of DBT skills training. See this post for general info about DBT and this post for more info about interpersonal effectiveness.
What are interpersonal rights
Interpersonal rights involve understanding that it is okay to expect or ask for certain things when relating to other people.
People who have experienced trauma/abuse or been in unhealthy relationships can sometimes feel like they don’t have a good sense of what they’re allowed to ask for, e.g.
“Am I asking for too much by wanting this when people haven’t given it to me in the past? I don’t feel good being treated this way, but this is just the way that I’ve always been treated and I can’t really expect more than that.”
Having a sense of what’s okay to expect can act as a foundation for some of the other DBT interpersonal skills. For example, even if a skill like DEAR MAN gives a nice set of practical steps for expressing needs, it might not be helpful if you feel like you aren’t allowed to express needs. 😊
Examples of interpersonal rights
Here are some things that are okay to do:
- It’s okay for me to say that I’m feeling a certain way, whether it’s positive or negative.
- It’s okay for me to express opinions even if they don’t match other people’s opinions
- It’s okay for me to say no without feeling guilty if someone asks for something.
- It’s okay for me to say no without feeling guilty if I don’t feel ready, comfortable, or safe.
- It’s okay for me to have boundaries.
- It’s okay for me to expect people to treat me with respect.
- It’s okay for me to ask for things that I would like.
- It’s okay for me to be different from other people.
- It’s okay for me to be happier than people around me.
- It’s okay for me to have my own personal space and time.
- It’s okay for me to ask for time to think before making a decision.
- It’s okay for me to not have a perfect explanation for what I’m thinking, feeling, or doing.
- It’s okay for me to change or not be the same person forever.
Reflection
Do you disagree with any of the interpersonal rights mentioned above?
(You’re allowed to disagree: “It’s okay for me to express opinions even if they don’t match other people’s opinions.” 😛)
Sources:
https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/interpersonal-effectiveness/assertiveness-scripts-and-interpersonal-rights/
https://medium.com/hello-love/10-rights-you-have-in-every-relationship-9d5f43f033a1
https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-panic/2010/06/personal-bill-of-rights