Vent — Vent
My mind is so odd but it might just be developing. That's why you can't get diagnosed with a pd until you're an adult.
I feel like it could be anything at this point and I don't like the uncertainty.
My core symptoms are: Emotional flatness, rage, lack of empathy, attachment issues, morbid fascination, mimicking others' personalities and speech
Other symptoms are: Dark fixations towards people & animals, episodic rage, hypervigilance, heightened analysis towards people, violent or impulsive urges, morbid/sadistic thoughts & desires, feelings of numbness/Indifference, limited emotions
Moods are: sadism, chronic boredom, apathy, morbid dissociation (trance-like state with deep morbid thoughts at its core)
No one else goes through this so even if I try I can't find a companion to bond with. There's two on the app TalkLife diagnosed with ASPD but one of the is way beyond my age and the other one probably has no interest in talking to me. I can't find anything on YouTube or whatever cause everything talks about OCD when I bring up 'dark thoughts' or just talks about feelings scared of them or something and that's not my case. I can't go to other apps cause I'm not diagnosed yet and therefore probably won't be completely accepted or validated, plus my case isn't typical so they can't completely relate to me anyway. Therapy isn't helping—it's not doing anything. I just use it in case I might need to go to the hospital or something about my diagnosis. This app isn't that social but it does allow me to share long paragraphs about the things TalkLife won't let me talk about cause, of course, my thoughts could trigger someone. That's another thing—can't talk to many about any of this because they won't know how to help or how to react, they might not be able to handle this stuff that well, and some people villianize things like this.
I think the only time I could feel like I 'belong' is if I get sent to the hospital and that's never gonna happen for two reasons. One, father will be confused by the suggestion because he doesn't see anything wrong since I don't talk to him (for a reason), and two, cause it goes away after I suggest it, since the weekend goes by. (Weekend = Freedom)
@rabbitandthehare
I'd never heard of TalkLife before. Sounds interesting but also like there are limitations on what you're able to say.
With the hospital, would the feeling of belonging be because there are other people there who feel similar to you, and it's a place in which it would be a bit more socially acceptable to express what you are?
I wonder if there's something more uncensored where more of that expression can happen. Was thinking about the journals and diaries community. The sense I get there is that if you create a thread, that thread belongs to you--and if someone opens up that thread and they don't like what they see, it's kind of their fault for deciding to open the thread.
https://www.7cups.com/forum/journal/
[hospital] — Yes.
I'm not looking for more *** on this app. This app's really isolating