Thoughtful Thursday: Anger
Understanding anger
Anger is a feeling of displeasure with someone or something that feels wrong. It is a normal emotion that nearly everybody experiences.
It is possible to feel angry at someone else, at external events, or at yourself. When anger is directed toward others, it is usually in response to actions that feel disrespectful, demeaning, threatening, or neglectful.
Positive effects of anger
Anger is often portrayed as a completely negative or destructive emotion, but it can have many benefits.
- It can provide a way of expressing negative feelings
- It can motivate or energize us to find solutions to problems or work toward goals
- It can be an appropriate response to injustices that causes us to try to correct problems we see in the world
- It can signal to others that what we have to say is important
- It can help us communicate boundaries and protect ourselves if someone is doing something that is not okay and threatens our safety
- It can provide us with a sense of control and power
- It can protect us from difficult, vulnerable feelings
Negative effects of anger
Physical effects: Anger triggers a short-term arousal response in the sympathetic nervous system. However, if this response becomes something chronic or occurs very frequently, it can increase the risk of a variety of health conditions:
- High blood pressure
- Stroke
- Heart disease
- Gastric ulcers
- Bowel disease
- Certain types of cancer
- Weakened immune system
- Obesity
- Migraines
- Insomnia
Social effects: Anger can contribute to interpersonal conflict and make it more difficult to maintain relationships with friends, family members, and coworkers.
Psychological effects: Chronic anger increases the risk of a variety of negative mental health outcomes:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Low self-esteem
- Substance abuse
- Risk of abusing others
- Fatigue/burnout
Relationship to personality disorders
Anger is a common experience that can be an issue in many different personality disorders. For example:
- Antisocial personality disorder: in response to imposition of social rules and norms
- Narcissistic personality disorder: in response to criticism or threats to self-image
- Paranoid personality disorder: in response to threats to safety
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Borderline personality disorder: in response to feelings of hurt or abandonment
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Avoidant personality disorder: in response to feeling rejected by other people
Tips for managing anger
- Pause and take some time to think before speaking or acting
- Express frustration assertively without being aggressive (i.e. clear, respectful, non-confrontational)
- Physical activity can reduce feelings of anger
- Take a short break to care for yourself if you anticipate entering into a situation that may be highly stressful or triggering
- Engage in problem-solving and brainstorm possible fixes to the problems you’re experiencing
- Use “I” statements when expressing yourself (e.g. “I feel upset when you don’t respond to my messages”)
- Forgive and be open to the possibility of the conflict being resolved, if this feels appropriate or realistic
- Humor can help diffuse tension and lighten negative feelings
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Do anything you find relaxing or calming (e.g. deep breathing, muscle relaxation, visualizing something peaceful, repeating a calming word or phrase, listening to music, writing in a journal, doing yoga, etc.)
Questions for reflection
1) Do you experience anger frequently? How does it affect your daily life?
2) Any other thoughts about this topic?
Sources:
https://www.apa.org/topics/anger
https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/recognize
https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/understanding
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/value-of-anger-16-reasons-its-good-to-get-angry-0313175
https://health.usnews.com/wellness/mind/articles/2017-10-26/the-physical-and-mental-toll-of-being-angry-all-the-time
https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/anger-and-personality-disorders.htm
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434
Thanks for posting this QuietMagic.
Something a counselor shared once about anger has been really helpful to me:
Anger is a secondary emotion. You are never just angry. Angry is the reaction to a primary emotion.
As soon as you can recognize the anger you have to ask yourself. What emotion is causing the anger? Am I embarrassed, betrayed, frustrated, annoyed, etc.
What caused that primary emotion, and how can I fix it? Sometimes there is no fix other than radically accepting that stuff happens outside of my control. Shifting away from the anger and focusing on the primary emotion allows the anger to dissipate.
Hope this little jewel of information can help someone else with their journey. I still get angry, but I'm quicker to resolve the anger rather than let it spiral out of control and land me in a mess to clean up.
@ARC80
Thanks for sharing! I can definitely relate to that. Sometimes there is a different feeling that I don't want to experience and anger happens as a defensive response to that feeling. And at a certain point, the anger might cause more suffering or end up being more difficult/problematic than the original feeling that I'm trying to ward off.
I am definitely bookmarking this forum page/post like right now!
@ARC80 I have heard that many times as well. Anger is or can be an "easier" emotion. Other people see you "feeling angry" when you may actually be feeling something very different - sad, dismissed, alone, frus-tra-ted!, etc. The primary emotion is what can lead a person to react with anger.
You are right in saying that anger is not primary; there is another emotion that is lying behind the anger. It can be very hard at times to dig out what that other emotion is - especially if you are very used to 'how are you feeling?' - 'I don't know I'm just mad!'
I think anger can be used almost as a shield too. In dealing with others, if I see or feel that they are angry that may lead me to ... choose a different desk in class, drive home the long way, or sit further from that person in the breakroom at work. This same person may be feeling intense levels of sadness or grief. This person may be very much hurting inside; yet he/she is portraying "anger" to the world perhaps in hopes that others will keep their distance (see? shield).
By the way, (the listener side of me) says using anger as a shield is *not* a healthy mode of conduct. Portraying anger to the world can be used as a defense mechanism, but it is not a healthy way of coping.
@QuietMagic, This is a well-timed post for me - good things to reflect on, within my real/offline life. I also appreciate the notes of references. Anger is (or can be) really hard on me, a 'taxing' sort of emotion. It will be good for me to be able to return to this and read more later. Thank you! ~Platy
@cyanPlatypus6370
I'm glad it felt timely and relevant. 💜 I like having the references so that I don't feel like I'm just making stuff up.
That makes a lot of sense what you're saying about anger acting as a shield not only internally (against primary feelings) but also externally (against potentially painful interactions with other people).
I could see that kind of analysis being really helpful just in terms of my own patience/empathy for people who seem bristly or irritable. Like instead of "Wow that person is rude/mean", that kind of understanding might lead to a reaction more like, "It's understandable that they would react that way if they are really hurting because of something and that's led them to feel distrustful or like they need to distance themselves."