So basically...
Hi, I'm back at school—first day. Yippiee!
My stepmother had to drive me because my bus had a different bus driver and didn't drive to my stop, so I had to be in a car with her, next to her for about 30 minutes. I don't like how she drives at all, and she talks out loud when she's frustrated, it just makes the whole atmosphere so much more tense than it needs to be. She was looking at her phone for moment, hitting the gas and moving the wheel at a minimum so her car went straight and didn't hit anything. I didn't like that very much. I just kinda feel like she's way too old to be like how she is when she's frustrated—complaining out loud as if I'm the one she's mad at, her tone and expression are always easy to read and 'sharp', and then usually she doesn't acknowledge it or say sorry or whatever afterwards. I don't know how to explain it, if that wasn't enough. I just feel like she's too old.
The car got closer to the school and I think I got kinda anxious or something. Like, picture something dangerous coming towards you, and you're on the floor crawling backwards in pure terror.
It felt scary walking through the hallway with wild teenagers in front of me, and it was weird because I saw multiple students without back packs. Some students kept looking inside of my French class, and I didn't like it.
During lunch I felt hopelessness and a tad bit alone for a small moment because of being reminded of the students—they are lazy, wild, ignorant, immature, they lack manners and basic grammar, etc. I just really feel like I should be able to do whatever I want cause school is hopeless and my stepmother—I dislike her a huge amount. I wanted to pull my teeth out as I sat in the cafeteria. Can't go into detail with that though.
@rabbitandthehare
Yeah, that's a tough situation being around people, knowing that they're pretty immature or have a lot of faults that make them unpleasant to be around, but not having the freedom to avoid being around them.
That was how I understood what you were saying about your mom being "too old to be like how she is". Kind of like, "you're supposed to be the adult in the room--shouldn't you be a bit more mature and have a bit more self-control and self-awareness"? Almost like she's not that different from the students in the cafeteria.
@rabbitandthehare Are you here just to vent, or are you interested in practical advice?
What would be the ideal outcome / solution ? What are you willing to do to make that happen?
Who else have you shared this with? What is your chronological age? What other adults are in your life, for example, a father, aunts and uncles?
Discussing this with your mother could be challenging, but I suggest you give it a shot. Sometimes people are unaware of how their behavior affects others. I suggest you find a different adult that you do trust, and with them in the room with you, using no strong words, carefully explain to your mom what you see going wrong, and ask, "what would need to happen for you to drive differently and not say the angry things you say. That's something I need. How can I help you change?"
I am only here to vent. I'm aware enough to find connections and solutions myself, and have access to therapy. But thank you.
She's not my mother, by the way. Don't call her that.
@rabbitandthehare Well, it's obvious how your situation will end, and you richly deserve it.
@rabbitandthehare
Sorry, seeing that I made a similar mistake in my reply. (Should have said stepmother instead of mom.)