Personality disorders and self-acceptance
I have
avoidant personality disorder and struggle with how to accept myself and deal
with feelings of shame about having this diagnosis. I got the diagnosis years
ago, but still almost every morning I wake up in distress with the first
thought on my mind being 'oh no, I have a personality disorder'. It makes me
feel like something is wrong with me, like I am broken and will never be a real
person. I have so many memories of not functioning well due to my symptoms and
getting rejected by others because of it, and these make me feel ashamed of myself
and my diagnosis. On most days I am in emotional pain because of the feeling that something
is wrong with who I am.
I am very interested in the experiences of others who have been diagnosed with
a personality disorder (avoidant or other). Do you struggle with
self-acceptance? How do you feel about your diagnosis? Has anything helped you to accept yourself and your diagnosis?
Also, if anyone (with or without PD) has any perspectives that may help to deal
with the above, I would love to hear those. I am struggling a lot and could use
some support.
Hi. I have what they call a personality Disorder, but honestly I only call it that because that's what most ppl accept and call it as. Some may say, how can u say that? These conditions cause suffering and pain and cause people to not carry on with their lives as they wish.
I can say this because once you learn the why's of why your mind is doing it, the how's of how your brain works, the causes and effects of trauma on the body, triggers and the other symptoms, when you get to the ROOT of why ur mind is behaving that way(don't rush it takes time) once u learn this, u learn to be who you are, u learn to live with it and to fine tune it.
Not the cliché way of " o just live it it" but what I mean by living with it is like learning how to drive a new car. Sometimes we think we are driving a car, and then things happen that show us,we r not driving a car, we r driving a tuck. Now we feel diffrent, ostracized..alone. we r not like the other "cars" on the road. We must avoid trying to be like cars when we are trucks. We can do things trucks can't and vice versa, it doesn't make one better, it makes us diffrent and we can agree we need trucks and cars for diffrent purposes. So learn to drive your truck like a truck. Don't worry about the cars. 😊
We read between the lines(sometimes too much), we sense what isn't there in words but is there in "vibes", we feel others emotions intensely ect...we r diffrent.
I was told I was sensitive as a child growing up.
" ur too sensitive" family would tell me...well my friend I was so sensitive because life required it of me, and my brain learned that. My brain learned we must pay attention to as much as possible to SURVIVE. This is natural. I could say more but I'll try to keep it short. Feel free to ask me questions on the thread(i dont think they have a DM feature on this app).
So in conclusion, what am I saying friend?
I'm saying YES u r diffrent than other ppl, YES ur mind works diffrently. But NO, you are not unfixable, NO u are not useless, NO u r not doomed to be only what the dsm book says u r to be.
As u learn more and more about what happend to u in the past,(for In The past, though painful, there are keys of understanding to unlock things in our present) u can go forward in the present to a better more stable future.
I have DID, I've been misdiagnosed many times for years, I do not let myself be boxed in by it, I have learned as much as I could and can about it, and I accept that my mind will never work like the normies😆😉 around me(no offense to any normies 😊). And that's fine, my mind is the way it is because of trauma and even though things r not traumatic now as they were in childhood, I have to teach my brain diffrent ways to either use the skills that it created as a child or to disengage the skills it created for survival as a child.
For example when I go into a store, I am constantly aware of everything, too many things, I've had to train my brain To tone it down. Instead of having all my guns drawn, so to speak and ready to go, I've taught myself that we only need the security alarm engaged so if someone gets into our "bubble" then we activate.
Does that make sense? Feel free to ask more questions. Sometimes I ramble because the way info moves in my mind, it moves like a fountain sometimes, constantly flowing. Not ADHD...don't get me started there. Lol...someone's probably reading this and is like YES like ADHD. 😆. Any way I hope this helps. I don't mind sharing experiences either so feel free to ask.
@willingVase6638
Thank you
for your reply, I really appreciate it! You are right that it’s important to
look at the root of why our brains work the way they do. I think that often I’m
so focused on the idea that ‘something is wrong with me’, that I forget that my
brain had to learn these things because of trauma; that actually there was
something wrong with the environment I had to grow up in and that my mind
adapted to help me survive.
I like your comparison of the trucks and cars. For many years, I have tried to
hide my PD and to be like the cars. It was exhausting and no matter how hard I tried,
I kept failing to be a good car. But maybe I don’t have to be a good car, and
maybe I don’t have to compare myself to all the cars out there. Instead I could
just try to live my best life as a truck. Indeed, we have learned certain skills
due to our childhood. I was also told I was too sensitive as a child, but
actually I had to become even more sensitive to survive, and now I also tend to
quickly pick up on and feel the emotions of other people.
The phrase that I’m not doomed to only be what the dsm books says, hit me.
I don’t really know who I am except for my PD. Because the disorder affects my
thoughts, feelings, behaviour, character traits, etc., I have lost touch with
who I really am, who the person is that is hidden underneath the disorder. Sometimes
it makes me feel like I AM a disorder, instead of someone who HAS a disorder.
But you reminded me that I am more than a diagnosis. I would be interested to
hear your experiences with this, if you want to share. How do you know or find
out who you are except for what the dsm book says, when you have a disorder
that affects your personality?
I’m glad that you can accept your diagnosis and do not let yourself be boxed in
by it. Were you able to accept your diagnosis as soon as you got it, or did you
go through a process before you could accept it? Also, do you ever get rejected
or judged by others because of your diagnosis/symptoms? If so, how do you
accept yourself when other people don’t? Thanks for sharing your experiences,
it's really helpful!
To your fist question, " how do you know or find out who you are..." I will say this. I don't know how old u r but thunk of it as this. Before tht dsm 5 was u were. Meaning Before u even knew of the dsm 5 or what ever dsm, u, me, we were who we were. We had likes and dislikes, ups And downs, fears and loves. We were someone Before a diagnosis. Even if that someone was broken because of what someone did to us. With that said think of this, when a vehicle has a problem the owner says, " I need to c a mechanic". So they take it to the mechanic(Aka, doctor), they find out somethings wrong with it. Ok that's good. And they fix it. But let's say they find out somethings wrong with it and they(the mechanic) doesn't know how to fix it. A good mechanic(or doctor) will be honest and either refer u to someone they think can help, or be honest and regretfully send you away.
So either way, wether the mechanic can fix it or not does not mean the vehicle is the problem. Yes the problem may hinder the vehicle doing what it did before but when ppl c the vehicle they don't say, how's you leaking oil doing? They say who's the car or whatever doing. So, not to be thinking urself well or happy, but science has proven our thoughts can have a negative or positive effect on us.
So how do u know or find out who u r? Remember u were before ur diagnosis. Some injuries in life are life altering. My back has been broken, fractured more then once, I'm not paralyzed but very well could be. I will never be the same as before it was broken BUT I am not a broke back. U c? I have CHOOSEN to learn to work around my issue and not become my issue. I don't say HI I'm broke back what's ur name. No! I am still me, just a diffrent version.
To your next question
"Was I able to accept my diagnosis."
Yes. Why? Because by the time it came I had already suspected and experinced things were "out of order" up there so to speak. This wasn't the first health issue for me. Not only that I had already becone the type of person that pays attention to my body, how thungs effect it and who doesn't just pop a pill( no offense to those who do, I did for about 3 months to stabilize my self, another story for another day😁)
For evry symptoms. The more I went to doctors with my issues it seemed the more baffled they were. I couldn't settle for tht, I HAD TO KNOW why, how, and who so to speak of what's going on with me.
My body snapped before my mind did. And because of diffrent statistical factors doctors didn't knw what to do with me,because by the books I shouldn't have all these problems. Well the body keeps the score and it was trying to tell me what happend to it. I had to learn to speak it's language.
So was I able to accept it Yes. Growing up I was always diffrent. My mother my grandmother, we in our family are a bit like blacksheeps to some. So we ran with it and said " we aren't going to play the suck up game to fit in" long story short. So you c wht I mean?
"Do I ever get rejected or judged by others because of my symptoms"
Well in the past, yes, but at the same time there's a difference with u and me. And that's not a bad thing. With DID, those the symptoms may be noticed at times by others, DID is ment to be and works hard to be kept secret. The Brain is constantly working hard to avoid the outside world ppl, as well as even at times, the host or anp1 person from even knowing they have like a while army there fighting for them and operating separate from them. It's a disorder of secrecy. It's one reason host's or anps have a hard time learning about their systems, because they don't want to be discovered because it's a system that was created on the basis of a foundation of fear. Fear of death, fear of hunger, fear...and I mean extrem fear of pain etc. So I don't really tell alot of ppl around me, why? Alot of ppl don't need to know. That's one reason why I look for others like me, because normies...they just don't get it like we do. Thank God for normies, but they can only do so much. I believe if survivors can get stable enough we can help each other more than a degree or(no offense to all the helpful normies out there. 😊🤗🤗) a normie can. Like there's ppl who live with me, I don't tell them I have DID, even though one has kinda caught on but they don't know it as DID, they call it the little ppl in my head. Thts fine, I can work with that, but I'm not telling them I have DID, I actually purposefully avoid telling them alot, because, we can't be known in that way...feels too insecure, not secure...too close for a normie. 😊
When other ppl don't accept me, what do I do?
Move on. Sounds cliché right? I even have family that I tried to reach out to, but they only wish me harm. U knw, sometimes, and don't get me wrong I love having a family, but sometimes we have to learn family is not blood and friends can be changed. Some ppl say once family always. No, not in my book. Because if it's family or friends that aren't adding to our healing then they aren't family or friends. Maybe one day they will change but in the mean time I have to take care of me and do the best for me. That can be hard sometimes because, take me for example, I really like to help and there's been times I've helped ppl I shouldn't have, because they didn't want to change, but I'm sensitive and it's hard for me to do that. But I've have yo learn to. It's uncomfortable, but nature is full of uncomfortable things thts turn out for the better.
@willingVase6638 Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences! This really helps me (and hopefully other people reading this as well).
Your welcome.
I'm glad it helps
😊
@Ilona7 are you a girl?
@funnySpruce2318 How is this relevant?