@fairmindedCircle3939
Sorry that you've had to grow up in that kind of environment. Could imagine that just being around parents who are angry/fighting all of the time could make things harder in a bunch of ways:
- It's just stressful and draining being around people who are fighting/unhappy, especially if you care about them and want them to be happy. Could really make it difficult to manage/regulate emotions if you're constantly being flooded with negative stuff in your surroundings that's outside of your control.
- You've possibly never had a chance to see adults handling feelings or conflicts in a healthy/respectful way, so it might feel like that isn't possible or you don't have any experience seeing what that looks like.
- When your parents are so preoccupied with spending all of their energy fighting one another, I imagine that doesn't leave a lot of space/attention leftover for you.
- When your parents are constantly hostile/tense, I imagine that makes them feel a bit less safe to be around or like you maybe have to walk on eggshells around them ("what if I do something wrong and make them angry when they're already feeling upset, what if they unleash all of that anger onto me")
- If you don't know anybody who's talked about similar experiences, and if you can't talk to your parents about much of this, I could see how that might lead to feeling lonely or misunderstood
I wonder if any of that resonates for you. Or maybe there was something else you were thinking of when you mentioned that your parents' arguments trigger anger and overthinking?