no other help except of self helps

Like, you see, i havent been diagnosed with BPD just yet because i never truly go to a psychologist, you see, but i really do relate to the symptoms of it. I have been struggling with this since about 8 or more months ago, i first know it accidentally and start learning it ever since. I may include myself to a silence ones, but im not sure though. Its so much like hell to me, im a high school student and i know most people were/are diagnosed at 20s, but for me i know i've felt it, almost all of the symptoms, since i was a kid. My father was always behaving strangely, one moment he'd love us (me & my sister) and just 5 minutes later he'd got mad at us just because we, as a children, fight. And it is the kind of mad no "normal parent" would do, he'd shout at us, and angry at us like we just destroy the whole planet, he'd shout at us like "IF YOU GUYS DONT SHUT UP I'LL TIE YOU GUYS TO THE STAIRS AND THROW YOU A BUCKET FULL WITH HOT WATER!" thats all i remember. My childhood was so abnormal that i have always twisted things ever since. I always act out and got happy when one of my friends once thought a relative of mine was my father. I often fake things just to gain attention even since then. My family was a complete mess. Not to mention the WHOLE big family, theres just too much drama i dont think it could be real, but it is. I struggle so much as a child, my mother was busy dealing with the drama my father's family make (that after all what destroys our family the most), the drama my father's make, and also helping her own self that she does not have strenght left to help us. My sister however always go out whenever things went messed up in our house, but not for me, i was only a child and have nowhere to go, though i wouldn't know what i should do either that time if i maybe had the chance. I feel so fuxked up now as a high school student, i feel so fuxked up, like sometimes i'm a devil and so bitchy and i could just hurt everyone (not physically) when i lose myself. And i hate that. Not to mention the feeling of emptiness, unable to see the truth/real feelings, fear of abandonment, unable to keep up with the presence, i just feel so hopeless because i do not get real help. Will i make it? Will i ever recover? I feel so stressed out, i try my best to do self helps but some of the time i just couldnt, standing by your own is so hard. I've told my mom about this and she doesnt seem to get it but shes trying to, most people in here are not very educated about mental health. I have searched for DBT treatment or people who is trained on BPD, but i found none of those psycologist know or even educated about BPD here and it makes me so sad and feel so hopeless. Its so hard to reach out for help here. My mom's friend is a motivator and she's studying psicology in america but she did not know before about BPD, but she said she will be studying about it for me and would love to meet me. But i am afraid that she won't get me & make me feel bad instead. And she totally looks like a very busy person and hasn't reach out for me anymore and i doubt that she was serious that she said she would study BPD for me. What should i do? How do i get real helps?