a problem I don't know how to fix
I have a problem that I don't know how to fix. I have a friend - at first we were friends,
then we kind of had a friend crush on each other, and then I wouldn't call it love, but we did
develop some kind of feelings for each other. It would never work as a "relationship" for lots
of reasons that are totally obvious to both of us. But I care a lot about her. I want her to be
happy and to have a nice life, and it doesn't matter if I'm in it or not. And I think she knows
that's what she has to do and mostly we don't interact with each other anymore, and I don't try
to contact her even though I could. But every few months she does reach out for whatever reason,
and it turns out that we both think a lot about each other. On one hand, I don't want her to reach
out and then have me tell her that, sorry, she's on her own. But on the other hand, I don't know if
it's actually helpful being there to just to let her know that she's doing okay and that I actually
have confidence in her ability to figure stuff out (because I do), because maybe she needs to
somehow forget about me. But I care a lot about her... I never planned to feel this way and I
don't want to feel this way and it's not fair to other people that I feel this way and I don't
know how to stop it. And I guess I've been doing a lot of kind of unhealthy things to stop feeling
anything about it and I kind of wish I was not here anymore because it would be better for everybody.