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Wondering if I have BPD
lavenderMoon463 June 11th, 2021
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I just want to start by saying I’m not trying to self diagnose, I’m just wondering if this could be an explanation for my struggles and whether it’s something I should look into more with a professional. I’ve struggled with depression (not diagnosed) for about six years, and recently I’ve looked a bit at the signs/symptoms of BPD and quite a lot of them resonate with me, particularly feeling very worried about people abandoning me, having quite intense emotions (mostly negative ones) that can change quite quickly, I don't have a strong sense of who I am which bothers me quite a lot, I feel empty a lot of the time, I have struggled with self harm and suicidal feelings on and off for five or so years, I sometimes have quite intense feelings of anger but not that often and I don’t really have angry outbursts but I do feel sort of out of control, and I sometimes experience dissociation and feeling spaced out. I also feel very lonely and like there must be something wrong with me and that I’m a bad person. I know this probably isn’t enough for anyone to say whether I have BPD, but I’d appreciate some advice on how to manage these things and how to go about bringing it up with a professional if necessary.

1
RarelyCharlie June 11th, 2021
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@lavenderMoon463 I am not an expert, but I'd say you are right to avoid self-diagnosis. You are also right that no one here at 7 Cups (or anywhere on the Internet) can diagnose BPD or any other mental illness.

To bring all this up with a professional, I'd say the most difficult part is finding a serious professional who is interested in establishing what's wrong and helping you to fix it. Many professionals are content to focus on coping strategies, so that you continue to struggle, but perhaps a little less painfully.

One way to get the message across to a professional would be to print out what you've written here and hand it to them the first time you meet. I think you've summarized your struggles well, and what you've written would get the facts across quickly.

BPD is one of the most serious mental illnesses. Like all personality disorders, it's pervasive (meaning that it doesn't just happen at certain times or with certain people), and it's inflexible (meaning that the way it affects you is always the same). The effects of BPD are severe. For example, the official criteria mention "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment." In contrast, you describe "feeling very worried about people abandoning me". The difference between feeling very worried and frantic efforts is the kind of thing a serious professional will want to evaluate.

At the same time, BPD is just a label and in a way it doesn't matter. For example, if you were diagnosed with BPD by mistake and you got really good DBT treatment, you'd end up recovering anyway. The various treatments for BPD can also treat a wide variety of BPD-like things.

Charlie

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