When do you tell potential partners?
Dating with BPD, well doing anything with BPD, is such a struggle and I'm not sure whether I should tell people before the first date, on my dating profile(??), after the 3rd date, 5th?? or when we're "official" that I have BPD..
The thing is, when you Google BPD it's just awful - nothing supportive and makes us look like horrible people and to "run away from people with bpd DO NOT DATE SOMEONE WITH BPD!" you get me? So I feel like telling them too soon could scare them but they could also look the symptoms up and see if it's something they can "handle" (probably a bad word to use)
So when do you tell potential dates/partners you have BPD???
So I have very recently started dating someone and I told them, in gory detail, all about BPD and every symptom I face and the severity of each symptom (for me) and I didn't leave any scary detail out. (I also included that I also have anxiety, depression, PTSD, and dissociation and psychosis with my BPD)
He accepted it. He validated me, said we'd need more communication, it didn't scare him and he didn't run away. And yes, I've already split on him and had arguments, etc. with him and when I calmed down, we just communicated why those things happened and I apologized for any hurt feelings etc. So far, so good. :)
and @arrgy just because I have a mental illness, or illnesses, does not make me (or anyone else) any less human or any less worthy of feeling loved or showing love. Yes, I have some "big bad scary illnesses" but I'm also super empathetic, caring, compassionate, open-minded, accepting, etc. I have flaws, I'm sure you do too.
@sashurss
I am so happy for you that you have found someone so accepting. You are so strong for doing what you did, and I am so proud of you.
All my love,
Lee.
@Lee aw thank you!!
Also a little update, we're still together, going on 2 months .. not long but still worth mentioning since dating with bpd is seriously some hard work aha :P
@sashurss
*sprinkles with continued love and support!*
I am so glad things have been going smoothly for you. I know mental illness is one of the things that takes a major toll on relationships and often ends them altogether. I still stand by my notion that it takes a special kind of someone to have the compassion, strength, and tools to navigate these waters.
I, myself, was recently diagnosed with Mixed Manic Depression, PTSD, and Panic Disorder. It has been overwhelming, painful, and relieving all at once. I have been on my first course of medication trials for only three weeks and my husband has really stepped up to the plate in terms of helping me cope, communicate, and avoid crisis. I now realize how special and rare this is. Without giving too much advice, my number one emphasis would be on keeping the line of communication clearly open in the way of your day-to-day experience, needs, limitations, and coping plans. As well as providing support and resources to your partner so he/she can learn to detect pre-cursors, differentiate between what is personal and/or truly relationship related/valid, and what is the irrational bantering of mental illness, all while receiving support themselves for the often difficult days we share.
I have recently invited my husband to attend DBSA Support Groups with me in order to provide him with his own pillars and understanding.
Best wishes to you and yours.
What if you don't understand it yourself, try to tell your family who is already tired of dealing w you and then you suppress it for two years? It was just a few months ago that it came back to me....
Now my family have no interest or compassion left so I have nobody who cares or understands including myself......