Tone Sensitivity
I'm curious if anyone has advice or maybe coping mechanism for anxiety reactions to people who get specific tones? Basically there are tones in peoples voices that trigger anxiety in me. Usually these tones might indicate someone is mad or offended/annoyed. My brain takes it to the extreme thinking I've done something so wrong that they absolutely hate me. I've hurt friends with this, as it seems no one knows what I'm talking about, but the reaction is very real.
Does anyone have a similar situation?
I know where this stims from, but it's hard to catch when it comes on strong.
Yes, I experience this a lot. It's usually a bitchy or peevish tone that makes me hyper-defensive. If you've grown up with abusive parents like I have, it's your amydala reacting in a habitual way to protect you from further trauma. At these times strategies like mindfulness go out the window so it's better to take a deep breath and try not let the cerebral reaction overtake the situation.
@koinonia That's a bullseye. That would also make sense as to why it's so disruptive to try and stay calm but focus on the conversation. I tend to go silent if it happens when I can control it, though it can come in full cycle from doing that. Thanks for the advice.
You're welcome. It's also good to reframe this to see it as a hidden talent. It serves a very useful purpose if channeled correctly. You are a unique human being. Keep being amazing!
Don't aim to be liked. Don't aim to please.
I have this, it started a lot of discussions with my partner because I was afraid of his tone
For me I was bullied by my mother physically and emotionally growing up. In a very very shameful, perfectionistic and abusive environment
Part of bpd for me is not seeing people as whole complex human beings and just single statements or tones they have that upset me
I am working on seeing people as generally loving, and not splitting them
I want to get to a place where I am not anxious in new settings or experiences and don’t avoid others because their tone or a single statement they made scares me
[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to combine multiple posts]
@resourcefulLion2025 I truly wish the best for you, this sounds very similar to what kind of tones trigger my anxiety. It's a feeling that it'll cause permenant damage to the relationship, they'll leave after it, or that I'm definitely wrong and don't deserve an opinion about whatever the subject.
Yeah all my shit def ended our relationship for keeps 2 weeks ago
Lol I’m talking to you now from cleaning mouse poop in the attic of the house I’m selling due to the end of the relationship and like 3000 bad decisions
Starting over? Hope I can get it right again
@deerpark49
It takes time, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Starting new can feel daunting, but be entirely liberating too. Also on the attic situation I had that with bats last summer, had to seal off several sections if the attic to stop them from coming back, hope you're staying hydrated and cool.
yes! i get really anxious over harsh tones but mostly "text" tones like i feel that they sounded kinda dimissive i get really anxious thinking that i said something wrong or offensive or that they dont wanna talk to me but when in reality they are just in the middle of some hectic work and could really put much into the chat
@sushir0ll By text tones do you mean the wording or implications behind the response? I've had that happen, especially during high anxiety about topics where I feel I was at fault. Blame feels cast even if the person doesn't have any intention.
precisely, when i feel unwell or particularly anxious i tend to get overthink responses and even the slightest difference of wordings just makes me overthink. most of the times i managed it by bottling it up but it still doesnt make me less anxious, i dont really show my anxiety which most times i look completely fine from the outside when inside feels like im having internal wars
I have the same thing. Whiny, judgmental, bitchy, or artificially upbeat and condescending - these tones definitely set me off. I guess this could affect anyone in a bad way. To me I maybe overreact and have a hard time acting rationally. I usually become defensive.
