Paranoia
I am constantly paranoid that my fiancé is going to find someone better or get sick of me and leave or cheat. I have recently decided to be open about my feelings and my strange stocker behavior when I see a picture of some girl my fiancé has liked so I must find out who she is to make myself feel better. I have no idea if being open about my insecurities and paranoia is helping but at least my fiancé assures me it's nothing and is willing to help me heal and reassures me he loves me even if he is sarcastic sometimes because making me laugh at myself helps me. Trying to grow but my own mind always gets in my way.
@Unicornsunshine7
Hello there, love, thank you so so much for having the courage to share your fears with us, it's not at all an easy thing to do, but you did it! It's such a positive step forward that you've been able to talk about how you're feeling with your fiancé, and he sounds really supportive and willing to reassure you. I think that being open can only be a good thing, otherwise all of those fears will just fester away and worsen. By getting them out into the light and looking at them together, you can see them for what they are and more easily dismiss them.
Anxiety is a funny old thing, isn't it. No matter how much you try and rationalise what's going on, your brain just won't listen to the logic! It seems to me that almost everyone in a relationship has that chink of fear at the back of their mind: ''What if I'm not good enough? What if I bore them? What if I'm not attractive enough?'', but it's clear how crippling this fear is at the moment for you. Do you believe that it's based on your own insecurities or do you feel that he's not fully committed to you?
The examples you mentioned of ''strange stalker behaviour'', were conducted online - do you ever feel this way in social situations, or worry about his colleagues? Social media can be an eventing arena for our own insecurities, and so easy to scrutinise every aspect of someone's behaviour, in a way that you never would offline. Perhaps next time you see a sign that makes you feel like he's interested in another girl, you could translate it into an offline example, and see how that makes you feel. For example, if you see that he's been texting with a colleague, ask yourself how you would feel if he were talking to her instead?
You've said that you want to grow, and I firmly believe that you can do it. You show so much self awareness of your own thinking process and foibles, and that is the absolute cornerstone of changing your thoughts and becoming happier.
All my love, Lyra
@Lyra I have issues with jealousy brought on by past relationships so social gatherings are very much the same, I get nervous and paranoid and can't enjoy myself because I am trying to reason with myself about my fears of him not paying attention to me which is worse if it is a girl even if I also know her. I started therapy again and my therapist is great and it is extremely helpful. My fiancé and I are having some issues but we are slowly trying to work through them but he had avoidance issues so it is kind of rough. Him being supportive is rather new and it's great I just as with everything have fears about if it is real and if it will last. Anxiety and paranoia are a horrible and crippling combination.
@Unicornsunshine7
I understand how debilitating paranoia can be. I once surmised my husband was going to kill me if I tried to leave him. That is how serious this can get. Another time, I became trapped in the back of my house, home alone on Halloween, because of a ticking noise in the attic. I was convinced there was someone up there. I was physically paralyzed with fear.
I think paranoia is often over looked of laughed off by most people. It is important to remember just how serious and delusional and terrifying it can become.
I am so glad you were brave enough to share this with your significant other. I hope he continues to support you. 